eyewitness

2005.03.31 19.20

Thursday, Day Seven: Let me just get this entry out of the way. For the most part, the number of instances where things get a little distorted has been greatly reduced. There are still halos and starbursts at night, but I can tell that they are also reducing in frequency. My left eye seems to be just a little over or under corrected (I can't tell) but I'm getting used to it. If that's not the case, the left eye is at least probably swollen or still slower to recover. I can see sharply with it, but there's that slight little fog / distortion that is annoying if I am just using my left eye -- which I never do, but I'm just being detailed with the details. The right eye is the eagle eye and also my dominant eye. Together my eyes are kicking ass with 20/20 vision. The terrible 20/2000 vision I had before the surgery will never be missed, even if it turns out my left eye is going to have this slight distortion while I'm healing. It only been 168 hours since my surgery, so I realize more changes / improvements are to come. Its good times in LASIK land.

the ministry of issac

2005.03.31 19.20

Check out this bizarre religious nut that seems to be getting no coverage by the media here. Is this out of fear that criticizing anything conservative will tork off all conservatives? The Ministry of Isaac purports to reveal the identity of the Anti-Christ as well as other useful information such as the exact timing of The Apocalypse and how much Liquid Tide you should use on that oversized load of laundry. A few of the links are broken (the registration link, for one). They seem to be fishing for weak minded Spanish speakers in the area as well. April 7th is a Thursday night. Doesn't Isaac realize he's directly interfering with getting my Survivor on? I want to hear about The End Of Times. That's something the Johnny Smith's mother was obsessed with in Stephen King's classic book The Dead Zone. I need to finish that book. Anyway, this is nothing new here in the deep, deep southern bible-belt. I'm sure it'll be a packed house. If you're reading my blog entry and you're offended by my suspension of belief, then I've got some stock options I'd like to sell you.

the ebay song

2005.03.30 14.35

Nobody bid on my car, even though there were 18 ''watchers'' over the auction. I've re-listed the car here with some adjustments so I can avoid the re-listing fee. Good times. Buy my car.

Tuesday, Day Five: As far as LASIK goes, the improvements are in tiny increments. I'm very impatient. I drove the DeLorean to work thinking I'd need to help out Parker with some errands. That didn't pan out, so I left early and worked from home for the rest of the day. I sense more furniture rearranging is coming since I am not having a pleasant Working From Home experience anymore. I worked out legs on Monday although I don't feel any effect. I'm learning how to set up a DNS name server and that is proving to be interesting. I decided to use my SUPER-GENIUS.INFO domain as the name server's domain. I understand that .NET domain are the most popular top level domains used for name servers, so hopefully this .INFO stuff won't backfire on me. Bleah.

Wednesday, Day Six: I guess I'm noticing slight improvements. Fewer distortions appear on average as the day moves along. I wish I could walk outside and stare off into distance more often. It's amazing. I'm learning how to abbreviate my LASIK testimonial when people ask me about it. My nighttime goggles cracked in half yesterday. I walked across the plaza to LasikPlus and they had a new pair waiting for me. Nice people. My car didn't sell on eBay (as I mention in the beginning of this entry), so I decided I'd drive it to work today. I have a haircut scheduled at 5:30 PM and then later on I'm going to meet up with a friend from work who wants my antique cherry display thingy. I need to pick up the pace on my craigslist.org sales. I'm slacking.

the lasik saga continues

2005.03.28 11.30

Friday, (technically) Day One: The 1 PM meeting at LasikPlus indicated I'm seeing 20/20 out of my right eye and my left eye is around 20/40. There is swelling, however, and this is supposed to change and fluctuate over the next few days. I drove home from work today in my car without any problems whatsoever. I'm calling my right eye The Bionic Eye since it can see so sharply. Using a computer monitor has proven interesting since I'm fairly sensitive to brighter lights. I slept the first night with the goggles and didn't have a problem. I have plenty of eye drops to put in my eyes whenever necessary. The fluctuating vision isn't very different than when my contacts were dirty or fogging, so this isn't really as alarming as it may sound. The only thing different is that I could take out my contacts back then. I did not go out on Friday night since I felt I needed to rest and take things easy for the next few days.

Saturday, Day Two: Upon waking up my vision was especially clear. My vision fluctuated a bit more during the day, although I felt sure that if I had been able to rub my eyes that things would have straightened out. Must not rub eyes! I say that aloud every time I get in a situation where I would have done so (e.g. waking up, taking a shower, etc). The right eye continues to be the bionic right eye and the left eye feels sharp, although there is some minor refraction which causes me to have trouble calling what I'm seeing sharp. Still, the swelling and the healing is what I'm dealing with. I know things will change as the days go on. I administer my antibiotic drops like clockwork and rewet the eyes with rewetting tears whenever I feel like it. No pain whatsoever, though, so that's very nice. I went out on Saturday night to play pool. I sucked until we started playing nine ball. I still need a giant handicap added to make things fair. I swear that I've played less than 50 games of pool my entire life, so if I suck it isn't my fault. Went to bed around midnight.

Sunday, Day Three: Woke up around 9:30 AM. Did the drops. Goofed off most of the day. Went to lunch with my niece and dad to Buffalo Wild Wings. I've been wanting to go there since I've been back from Philly and this was the first opportunity to go where I wanted to go. Played some XBOX Halo 2 with Parker and his bro. Our network was set up with a new server and we worked out the kinks. My vision continues to improve. My left eye goes through bouts of being crystal sharp and then back to the weird refractive fuzz. It doesn't matter how far or close anything is to that eye because the refraction is consistent. Working together with my right eye I feel like I've got 20/20 vision. My next appointment is a week from tomorrow (April 4, 2005). Went to bed around 9:30 PM.

Monday, Day Four: Vision is about the same today as it was yesterday. I have bouts of incredibly clear eyesight with both eyes. Occasionally it's the left eye seeing well compared to the right, so I get to continue being patient while things are healing. I'd like to jump straight to my one month mark so I can know whether or not I'd need any enhancements done. Using the computer is increasingly easier. I now have taking a shower and not doing any eye rubbing down pat. It's back to work in the meantime. I use my rewetting drops whenever I feel like it although I haven't had any incidents where I felt like I had anything in my eye. In reading other testimonials people who'd recently had the procedure recalled feeling as if there was an eyelash in their eye itching at the cornea. I thought I felt that yesterday -- so I was diligent and didn't touch my eye. Upon closer inspection, however, I found that I really did have an eyelash in my eye. So, duh, I felt dumb. After washing that thing out everything was back to normal. My biggest concern of the day? Someone needs to bid on my car so I can get my Honda Element on!

my lasik experience

2005.03.25 11.43

On Monday I walked into the LasikPlus office off Hempstead and 59 in Houston, Texas. I was given the most complicated set of tests to measure my visual acuity that I'd been given in a long time. My most recent prescription was -7.50 sphere, -1.25 cylinder, 174 axis in my right eye (i.e. really bad) and -8.00 sphere, -0.50 cylinder, and 015 axis in my left (i.e. really really bad). My eyes were tested, dilated, forced to watch a DVD video about LASIK, numbed, and tested some more. Once done, I was told that I was a perfect candidate for surgery. They have three tiers available and I was recommended the second tier. The first tier used Broad Beam Technology, the second used Flying Spot Technology, and the third was Wavefront Guided Technology. I was recommended LADARVision Flying Spot. Sounds good to me. Fly spot, fly. The cost was $1599 per eye which included a lifetime acuity plan -- meaning if my eyes needed adjustments at any point in time there would be no further charge. All I have to do is get my eyes checked once a year I was given a prescription to fill for droplet antibiotics, as well as an extensive list of eye drops. I put $50 down as a promise that, yes; I would return and get my eyeballs lasered. I went home. I did some research on Google for other testimonials. Happy with what I found, I patiently awaited my surgery appointment the following Thursday at 6:20 PM.

On Thursday afternoon I bought two kinds of Alcon brand non-preservative wetting drops for nighttime and daytime, a nice pair of sunglasses, and my prescription antibiotic. I was mildly nervous but it wasn't like I was on death row. I arrived back to LasikPlus at 5 PM and met my dad in the lobby. A tall security guard that looked like Richard Moll with hair was mentioning his ''bad experience'' with LASIK and how he hoped I had a better experience. I held my hand up and said, ''Shush! No bad experience stories!'' We went into the elevator and the doomsayer was no more. After filling out papers and paying for things -- I chose the 12 months no interest financing that they offered -- I was taken to another little room to get my eyes checked yet again. I received a little black bag filled with recovery goodies (droplets, another antibiotic, protective sleep goggles, etc). I was given a tablet of Xanax and given dilating eye drops at least 8 times to make super-sure I was dilated. I was taken to the table where I'd have my procedure done and photos were taken of my eyes for reference purposes. I then left and sat in a small waiting room with the DVD player from Monday. By this time I was getting just a little sleepy. The time for surgery finally arrived. They dilated me one last time, added numbing drops, and laid me back on the table. I had to wear a little blue puffy elastic surgery hat to keep my hair in check. My left eye was covered up with a patch. My right eye was then taped back by the eyelashes on the top and bottom, a speculum was placed over the eyelids so I couldn't blink. Once in place my eye made a single attempt to blink and immediately discovered that it was a pointless act and gave up. Nice. I could handle that. I could see a red light shining directly above my eye, as well as a long bank of white illuminating lights on the left and right of the red light. Index marks were drawn on my cornea so the flap could be returned to its original position. I found it interesting that they use a special (and expensive) felt tip marker to draw this. A suction device was then placed over the eye to hold it in place. My vision slowly darkened to where I saw nothing but blackness. An excimer laser was used to create the flap at this point. I could tell I was being cut into, but since I was numbed up there was no pain to speak of. The suction was released and I could see the red light and bank of white lights once again. The doctor did some careful manipulation and eventually (meaning probably after 30 seconds) pulled back the newly created flap. At this point everything was super blurry. The only real discomfort I had was the fact that the white bank of lights on each side seemed very intense. Since I couldn't blink, I figured I'd soldier on and suck it up. They then carefully made sure I was in the best possible position before the laser went to work. Clicking and clacking noises occurred as a computerized voice indicated, ''29 seconds left'' -- ''procedure 25 percent complete'' -- ''21 seconds left'' ... until eventually it said ''procedure complete'' and I was able to relax. I could smell some kind of burning tissue but nothing disgusting. If you've ever cooked an ant with a magnifying glass -- basically this was the same smell. Maybe less anty. Anyway, the doctor then swept my cornea flap over carefully and brushed it back into place. I could then see the red laser light was much sharper than it had been before. I blinked a few times and they removed the speculum and pulled off the tape from my eyes. The procedure was then repeated on my left eye. This was far easier because I knew what to expect and I also knew it was halfway over. The only difference was that one of my eyelashes got in my eye and had to be removed. Not a problem. Once complete, they sat me up. Antibiotic drops were immediately placed in my eyes. They checked me over once again with some measuring devices in another room. I was then given my little black bag of goodies and sent home.

My dad and I stopped off at Chipotle for some dinner. My vision was quite foggy and my eyes felt a little sore from all the manipulation. We then hit the CVS so I could get some Tylenol PM. One of the instructions given was that I should immediately go to sleep for at least 5 hours. After settling down with my protective goggles on, I conked out thanks to the Tylenol PM. The soreness went away. I automatically woke up once at 3 AM since I went to bed at basically 8 PM. I went to the bathroom and pulled off the goggles. Pretty damn clear. Everything is close to 20/20 and the fog had subsided. I took my next dose of antibiotics, did some drops, and went back to sleep. The next morning was even better. At the moment, my right eye is like super sharp, and my left eye seems to be closing in. This is just the first day after surgery, and I understand that vision will fluctuate while the healing process settles down and everything settles down back to normal. My checkup is in 15 minutes so I'm going to cut this short. The next update will include what they do to me at the checkup. This whole process has been much easier than finding a genetically modified radioactive spider to bite me. I think.

contacts and glasses no more

2005.03.24 14.58

I'll be entering surgery in just over 4 hours. In the last twelve hours I've read about ten testimonials about people who've had LASIK. I just found out a guy I work with had the surgery seven years ago and then subsequently his wife and mom had the surgery. I've got my lubrication drops for daytime and nighttime to keep things from getting dry. I only need to pick up my Vogrex (or whatever it was) prescription from Walgreens. I'm nervous. I'm like, hell yeah, give me that valium, baby. Non-LASIK news for me includes the fact that I could have possibly gone back to Philly but it didn't work out, and that my car still has no bids. Expect an update from a foggy eyed Super Genius tomorrow morning.

buy my car

2005.03.22 14.03

Busy week. I spent Friday night in Sugar Land, Texas at Gladiator's Gaming Center. I'd been there previously on Wednesday night to play some Battlefield 1942 and I was back for more of the same with some friends from work. Friday night is the lock-in night where from 10 PM until 7 AM there's non-stop gaming, pizza, and lots and lots of killing. There was also lots of dying which I participated in. I'm very good at dying. Killing -- I'm still working on that. We play with a mod called Desert Combat. It's the next best thing to being in Iraq, only you're really in peaceful little Sugar Land in a strip center next to a furniture store in the middle of the night. I was very surprised to learn that it was 3:48 AM the first time someone wondered what time it was. We left just after 4:30 AM. I can now fly jets, a helicopter, and drive tanks. I've also been run over by a coworker who was driving a jeep crazy style. Stupid jeeps.

I'd originally intended to have Garage Sale 2: The Sequel on Saturday. Didn't happen. Instead I went to the Mitsubishi place to get my oil changed and newly broken doorknob mended. I'm not sure why it broke. I like to blame my newfound exercise regimen and how I don't know my own strength. Remember, I broke off the DeLorean's gear shift a few months ago? See. Call me Mr. Kent, please. The replacement is going to cost me around $250 which blows but it's a brand new factory part at least. Yay. Even though the car is still as good as when I bought it, I've decided that I needed to move on and get bigger car, preferrably the Honda Element. Selling the Eclipse is now a high priority. I think a 1998 Eclipse Convertible GS-T (Turbo) with only 81,000 miles on it is a pretty sweet deal. We shall see.

AWESOME 1998 GST TURBO BLACK CONVERTIBLE w/BLACK TOP

I plan to drive the DeLorean Time Machine if I sell the Eclipse. The Burton / Keaton Batmobile is also an option -- if I can spend some $ to get the friggin' blinking headlight problem fixed. And speaking of the Batmobile... I'm in the process of creating a new parking place for it through clever placement of pond stones. I spent some time over the weekend unclogging all of the drain holes that are in my brick walls so that I could place some underlayment and pond stones around them and improve the drainage of my yard whenever the super heavy rains come. This made me realize that I could use these same stones to create a nice little parking spot somewhere. I'm having a bit of a falling out with the storage place that I'm storing my car at now, anyway, as they're just way too redneck for me. They are so redneck that I was getting sunburn just thinking about them.

Remember I mentioned having a pseudo-girlfriend recently? She's now officially just one of my very best friends. We're part of a close-knit group of super heroes. We sometimes hold an annual banquet if we feel like it. Anyway, here's a photo of her at her best friend's wedding in California looking extremely smoking hot. I will refrain from howling and the cat-calls. However, I would like to close by saying: Rawr.

lasik beam

2005.03.22 14.03

On Monday I went to LasikPlus to get evaluated for possible LASIK surgery. I passed even though my nearsighted vision is in the -8 to -9 range. I've been wearing eyeglasses for the last 9+ months with the goal of getting LASIK. Contacts change the shape of your eyeball and you have to stop wearing them completely before the LASIK people will give you the time of day. Lesson over. I go under the laser on this Thursday night at 6:20 PM. Fingers crossed! Not having to wear contacts is important to Spider-Man, you know. You can't be Spider-Man when a contact lens blows off or gets some dirt in it after kicking the villain's ass. Gotta think ahead.

every entry ever

2005.03.14 11.37

One advantage of having every one of my blog entries in Movable type is that I can dynamically create lists of everything. Check out the list at the bottom of this blog entry, for example. That's every entry I've made -- ever. If I had enough time I'd try to categorize things. Actually, I think I might do this with other pages on the site instead. Hmmm. I am moving to a new server in April so the time may come when upgrading to MovableType v3 with mySQL goodness will come.

In other unrelated news, American History X and American Psycho make good back to back movies for watching. I should have topped it off by sandwiching in American Pie 2, but I digress.

transference
rent uncle rico's van from napoleon dynamite
texas instruments professional computer (tipc)
my work laptop, my enemy
facebookin' and twitterin'
markshields.org is mine!
want to hide the Facebook Highlights section?
us versus them
texas taxes are cheaper?
delorean time machine for rent
attack of the show
extreme wet makeover
extreme home makeover
the return to marching band
too tired to blog
return!
quark on dvd! at long last!
iphone 2.0 is here! sorta...
i hate waiting (for iphone 2.0)
the piano is gone :-(
vhs tapes to digital video
brinkerhoff upright piano circa 1913
jvhs band 1985
the happening
barack obama rally at the xcel
littleshia.com
indy 4
shieldsville
kingdom of the crystal skull
the dark knight
keg stand
and the next technology myspace will steal is...
4 minutes
girl scouts + superman
good morning uptown
back from perl harbor
you should watch this all day
down the hollister
twist and shout
nude sushi
the googler returns
I'm at google today
comcast the first stone
pasturama
movies you should see
the day in review
me so coldy
revisionism
the matrix: resolutions
life in progress
hairline documented
hairline
always sunny
blogging on the iPhone
minnesota state fair 2007
7/20/2008
you never post anymore!
seth green is funny...
for lunch, I'm goin' here
38 evolver
snap to it
podcast 11: back to the future the ride
slow to post...
walking on the moon
the man with the hat is back
super genius movie reviews
the end of the soprano's gave me a heart attack
is this how superman feels?
the javaone experience
at javaone
austria trip podcast part 2
lazy sunday
the age basement
minnesota pop
spider genius
rhythmic ceremonial ritual
the chew chew experience
may 16, 1985
the total perspective vortex
washing the batmobile
the super genius and mark wahlberg
the sentimentally handicapped journey
random euro-trip blog & podcast
quick 1 word summaries
traummädchen
lost in vienna
second life
sulfur
anti-gravity ideas
42 simpson impressions
directv to the future
the last few days of 2006
making money from your blog
good things come
my american accent is...
a case study of mark
universal licensing best practices?
tenacious d: pick of destiny
a day at the chronicle
i'm not lovin' it
venom in spiderman-3
the interview that time forgot
spiderman 3
my pxl-2000 movies podcast 9
prepare for landing
it's alive!
that 70's show
85 hour work week
upon receiving misdirected email...
shake it like a polaroid picture
i'm the dead zone fan of the week
tell them I ain't comin' back
zen
sleeps on a plane
joust
finding gary numan
my name is url
distracting myself
...and now I've no one to love
shot from panasonic pv-gs300 cam
numan finds his way
the matrix phone has died
hanging out with biff tannen
save houston's historic district
minneapolis art car show 2006
al franken lives in my neighborhood
LU1875
the madonna podcast
wally and kim
madonna countdown
podcast episode 4 is up
madonna confessions tour map
you need google adsense
superman returns review
4 hours 2 go til superman returns
you do not remember me
i got fark'ed
over vacationing
check out my guns
sitting in lisbon
taiwan sr poster
wild things
superman returns tv spots
hearing everything
1980 astroworld videos on dvd
the eero aarnio ball chair
the impossible mission force
my first snip...
new superman returns trailer
markshields.com circa 1996
my april 2006 adsense results
Kaavya Viswanathan is a loser
rps with farkette's boyfriend
ntldr is missing
lost in german translation
super genius podcast episode 3
I need a second job to pay for this
i'm back!
come on down to south mark
when in hill valley...
my troubled mind
i know i'm a cute 6 year old
astroworld forever
lightning strikes
southpark on itunes
countdown to superman returns
ansi graphics using thedraw
joined a gym
interviews with kittens
podcast episode 2 is up
back to mardi gras
image bandits
since I'm already geeking out
ie & xp sp2 & javascript... oh my!
the disclaimer
lake of the aisles minneapolis
jolene
why is it so bright in here?
the superman stormtrooper
you haul? yes.
packing up is hard to do
mini soda update
kfc test marketing chicken bowls
pete the pit bull
u name it sign makers
google adsense rocks
my pinball daze
happy birthday chew-chew
how do tattoo artists practice?
embedding google video is easy
feeling minnesota
TV in bedroom halves sex life
the tax man cometh back
time machine road trip podcast
the time traveller
transformers movie ilm test clip
are you sirius?
fantasy sports are good
the chronic-what?-cles of narnia
it's beginning to look a lot like ivy
i wanna be a part of it
new years party 2005
voices from the past
article about lasik
9 month update
Cynthia Ann Stephanie Lauper
nothing's impossible
video ipod replaced & all is well
problems with my 60gb video ipod
happy thanksgiving 2k5
seattle times, baby!
life in philly
nearly finalized redesign
hung up
mist opportunity
50th anniversery of time travel
my favorite pillow goes national
walk in the city
septa strikes out
the past revisited
john the revelator
american ham
last week catch up
childhood on the grid
houston rockets 1994
about last night...
bomb scares suck
redesign fever
google site search, take 2
milliondollarhomepage.com
the next great city is...
praha haha! lmao!
rita is coming
elvis presley's ssn
return to prague
slight delay
shut down
$3.16 and rising
i swear this is the last time...
hurricane relief
get to the beep
diddy or not diddy?
goodbye 35, hello 36
even more diversionary tactics
no more license restrictions
what's a deckfer?
more diversionary tactics
and the winner is...
four brothers premiere
diversionary tactics
spamalot & my date with drew
the crazies
now i'm upset
reporter
roadtrip: pittsburgh 2005
feeling catty
portal
last appointment
waiting gamesters
on board
screen test
recovery
guessing game
fuse
the first blogs
odor in the court
i can't move my legs!
batman memories
superman memories
bird on a wireless
dead zone season 4
back in the sad dull
resident evil
early in the morning
mini-soda
more superman deleted scenes
steve bridges
revenge of the fit
take one, doh!
mailbag
i'm baaaaaack
raw deal
i'm going back to the future
toby or not toby
found a doggy
last son of krypton
samples from paperlesspobox.com
paperlesspobox.com sucks
teary eyed
travel time
making the videos
movabletype and sin city
LASIK update
quote unquote
eyewitness
the ministry of issac
the ebay song
the lasik saga continues
my lasik experience
contacts and glasses no more
buy my car
lasik beam
every entry ever
improve upon
query letters
i'm older than you
import
crime scene investigation
the prince patch
i have the power... washers
your search results
deus ex mystery machina
24 hour bug
the visitor
guess what?
errand behavior
the big bounce
party gras!
i condem (sic) you
howard stern in houston
it's a beautiful day
continuous integration
seems a bit unstable
15 minutes
remember when milf was a typo?
baby duluth
i hate packing
still worried about the election?
the final countdown
merry [religious symbol]mas
the real world austin
the tax man cometh
richard simmons returns
hammertime
the starbucks line
cafe ole
down with the sickness
broken stickshift
marilyn manson
the return of webby
cool link of the day
where will i be on 2005.01.03?
the $35 cup of coffee
if (birdInHand == false) { blowYourNose(); }
great power = great responsibility
my band played the wrong song
where have i been
the death of superman
news from the closet
buy more... commerce is good...
philadelphia versus houston
the latest and greatest
shout out to wigdaddy
60 pounds
l0s3r5 i wan+ +0 hAx0r **updated**
new york new york new york
defeating sony copy protection
more than you think
reality reality
fitty
biz zee
ask your coworker 2004
jump the gun
2 gig?!
spider-man update
embarassed? about what?
for every beginning...
as if... don't ya know...
on air
is this my water?
breakin'
really
ssssssssssss
look ma, I'm in the paper (again)
dislocated
google it
soar
peer pressure crushes weak minds
run air rand
the breakup instant message
heartbroken
ipod ipea isod isea
kill wil
thieves
wonder woman!
eternal moonlight of the filthy mind
bruce wayne's world
itunes
slur
stresssssssssss
venti half-caf non-fat with-whip caramel machiatto
they stand in the way of love and we will smoke them all
yeah, I did it again
electrical engineer
stolen copyrighted photography
planVacationBO.java
dispute over
my 180th entry
i want my mtv
late
return of the phone
system to the shock
absorbing the video
sad news
happy mardi gras
delay
rollback vs slidebed
realize
sue, she is made of raw fish
pins
greeting
temporal displacement
who you votin' for?
brrrrrrrr
newsfeeder fish
Get A Giant Elbow NOW!!!
something to look forward to
hola 2004
mr. clean
do not lost them
webby
something's gotta give
welcome to some hick's blog
coming soon: the second to last samurai
libyan connection
unbelievable!
bad timing
distracted
houston calling
i have seen the paris hilton video
subliminal
we'll always have paris
the other half
46 hours in h-town
back to the houston
wake me up inside
running
viva la revolutiones...
good noose
mosh definitely
listen here
file not found
again and again
nocturne
all that's left of me... is my celebrity
david blaine is crazy
revolutions
weekentropy
sound of maniacal laugh
mark, mark, everywhere...
batman vuelve
bird poop
guster
the producerQ
rubber bloggy
good night's rest
the link to click
yesterday, my troubles seemed so far away...
review of hp media center pc m280n
dell aware
believe it
kraft cheese and macaroni
surrounded my morons
today's birthdays
again here we go...
oops
defending your right to say F
PUNK'D
am i dreaming?
are you slow or something?
smile! you're on candid camera
confrontation
batman returns
day 7
day 6
day 5
day 4
locks
prague
niiiice
downsize
welcome to moviefone...
sam sung, we listened
phenomenon
dude, where's my rental car?
damaged
stub
subtle settle seatle
plug me in
all the latest three days after it happens
4*((2*ithinkimturningjapanese) + (ireallythinkso))
wire works
babble babble b***h b***h rebel rebel party party
finding beano
liars
days later...
out wretched spot
what are the odds?
cherry picker on hollywood blvd
hollywood
operator...
my other phone
the one word movie review
CALL ME NEO
i'm workin here!
submission
paramount
free your mind
b.z.
hemming and hawing
godsmack
the apple core
grrr
safety
spinal tap reference
just so you know...
informed source
calling the police
the freaks come out at night again
the freaks come out
fair is fair
an idiot by any other name...
bayer/tylenol drug cocktail
okay, for real, the eugene oregon video
eugene oregon video
special
return of the jedi
keep shoveling
moviemaker
sharon!
cnn breaking news
work it (real good)
and the academy award goes to...
anomolies
branding
goodbye
what is the lobby?
happy neo year
i'll have the usual
what a strange trip it has been
visual documentation
latest and greatest
deprivation
ralphy boy
i am the voice and you are the echo
stew wart
fried
i wish you were queen just for today
back attack
riddle.me.this.style.visibility='hidden'
creepy crawlers
the truth about marky
don't run... don't walk...
added ad
recounting
son of jackass
jackass
green oj and ham
customer service
hollow win
what is real?
silent frigidity
communication breakdown, takedown, you're busted
uneventful horizon
in a new york minute
back to the philly
back to the houston
thoughts on psychos
come on baby...
all text no pictures
billing
rebuilding my workspace
wakey wakey
about damn time
thirty three
you like the pauses, eh?
racing heart
doctor, doctor
dreaming of cortisone
2 AM and pulsing
sight unseen
never lose your cellphone
super apathy man
boom boom boom
reunited
backbeat
death to spooky
gimme the 4-1-1
tripped out
dr. know
9'' nails
interesting puzzle
caption?
backtrack
body slam
stood up
batman returns
2 A.M.
in some knee, yeah?
which blade?
call me because i'm cute
back to the future
insomaniac
nu
super bowel
flighty
the tequila shot clock
this is the end?
for russ tray shun
where's the beef?
american airlines flight 2004 en route to philly
under the wire & thru the woods
livin' la cd loca
strangers
exhaustion
t'ain't it love
who is this phil harmonic guy?
i think i'm paranoid
i'll have the usual
blind people are cool
don't you hate it when
q to the quizzo
the checkout
ouch. quit it.
don't visit the malls on 10/31
news flash
don't get angry
tee kah nee kah lee spee kee
cruising for chicks at the airport
geekarama
seniorita goobita
diet coke, please?
back and forth
apprehension
visit
continuity
setting things right
coast 2 coast
the business
in l.a. & lost in the bathroom
missed op
baskin robbins + 1
flight write
i'm back
35,000 feet
donor
vuelve
special
these dreams? no, those dreams
eh?
roommate abuse
second time's the charm
madawna
star
i'm going to get my monkey!
anger management
i must make a list
best westerns
in flight
talking smack
phil lee
recess
the floods 2
the cash bar of justice
pretty fly for a white guy
expansion
happy birthday wahlberg
philly
deja vu
the big stinky
wacky tourists & and drunk girls
i don't wanna
is it self-mutilation if you pay someone else to do it?
drowned world
buhbye
flake
writing
happy yo momma day
dead zone
perpetual motion
go straight to jail / waiting
napster
here's to you mrs. robinson
inside
outside
spoke too soon
body of evidence
genitorturers
who is the weakest link?
friends
regular expression, or decaf?
pro crass tin nation
remember the 80's?
lestat / statistics / denied
cold hearted orb that rules the night
blow me
dimentia / touch of sanity
against my butter judgment
aftermath... comes algebra?
free the beer
bye bye bye
your friendly neighborhood super genius
next on hbo
landslide
long time, no nothing
fini
credit
air max / freudian slip
carnival
temptation
flashers
crappy valentine's day
gravity
trinity infinity
see stars, milky way, even mars
pour your misery down on me
i hear the voices when i'm dreaming
golden globe
battlefield earth
i am superman's crack pipe
alive
i'm sick... ah-choo
come posso sposare questa donna?
let them know it's christmas time
where was i?
fa fa / goodbye 20th century
i dreamt that i was vapor
bulk
oops, i did it again
castaway
sick II
none
shock treatment
tired of cnn?
thumbing a ride
late
celebrate good times? come on!
these dreams, those dreams, whatever
was it the chad?
insanity / gimme some mo
art of bleah
limbo purgatory
chill / my choice
ketchup
fine whine
alternative reality
mugged
hella irritated
done done done
nothin' but face
survivor
pinch me
yeah, I'd like to buy ''i just called to say i love you'' -- no you don't
replication
the ex or cyst?
it's an evolution, not a revolution
i don't speak spanish, but i can sing it
you gonna eat that?
i don't want to turn into a marshmellow
coming in 2001: tooth piercings
the daily accident #1
bless you, dammit
three way
nickel teen withdrawal
funeral arraignments
the meaning of life
real telepathy?
follow the white rabbit
do you think that's air you're breathing?
back
are you hecka stupid?
the holiday bawl / tique toque
major league / been down that road b4
time is like a predator that wants to hunt you down
time is the fire in which we burn
logan's run
addiction
coffee syrup
reign, reign, go away
absent mind
cracked skull
seams okay / suspension bridges falling down
male call / black walls and no flashlight
take me out / solaris rotation 31
the astronaut's wife
my home page on this day
labay jr. high
miss my blue pen
thornton jr. high
unknown number
goodbye pager
students overheard
freebies
slobs gone wild
the substitute
phone home
seventeen magazine
while you were sleeping
a teacher's journal
press release
san antonio trip: day 3
san antonio trip day 2
St. Goar, Germany Thru Wurzburg, Germany
Airborne Over The Atlantic Flying To Frankfurt, Germany
Mickey Leland Internation Airport In Houston, TX
demons
my ti 99/4a bbs
my bbs listed on net.source
touring the boards
Vocabulary #15

improve upon

2005.03.13 11.05

Yesterday I cleaned up the built-in Google search for this site. The search results colors have been showing up as black text on a black background for at least the last year. Google must have made a change recently that doesn't work well with their custom search. Sounds easy to fix, right? Wrong. The site Google gives you to create the custom script is seriously F'ed. Upon login, I was informed that Google search did not have markshields.com in its index. Riiiight. I wanted to assure Google that, yes, I was in the index, but it wasn't interested in hearing about it. I typed in cnn.com to see if I got the same response: ''Site cnn.com is not in our index.'' Riiiight. Just for fun I typed in one last site URL and got the response I expected: ''Site google.com is not in our index.'' I had to hack around their code to get a non-custom search script to generate. I then merged my older code with the new code. It's working again, but it's sad that they aren't doing a better job of pushing that stuff out to more people. Check out my search if you'd like. Or not.

I had another round of phone phun when the phone at my house rang. It was some company trying to send me $200 worth of redemption coupons or some crap like that. They thought they were talking to someone named Tori. I used my normal old grampa voice, anyway. ''YEAH, I'M TORI. WHAT D'YOU WANT??!'' There was a catch, of course. They wanted to charge $3.95 for shipping these redemption coupons via UPS. I told them to subtract $3.95 from my $200 and only send me $196.05 worth of coupons. The guy on the phone started to have an embolism, I think. ''Sir, we cannot separate the money from the redemption gift.'' They never called what they were sending coupons -- it was A Gift™. They also only wanted the $3.95 paid with a check that withdrew from a checking account or savings account. I'm like, ''yeah... oh boy, that sounds really good! How do I sign up?'' No cash. No credit card. No way, man. Still, I let them think I was going to accept it -- at least Tori was gonna accept it. The guy started reading back the address he thought I lived at. When he got to the city, he kept saying "Howston" instead of "Houston." I stopped him and told him I didn't live in Howston. ''I've never heard of Howston.'' It took him a good five minutes to eventually pronounce it correctly. Yes, I berated him repeatedly for not being able to correctly pronounce the name of my city. After I finally got him to say Houston correctly -- and after I received his assurance that he would never call it Howston ever again -- I hung up. God, I love the phone!

I bought 20 bags of pond stones and some underlay plastic with the intention of finishing off the stone garden I have in my front yard. It's almost there right now, but I could do much better. I was hoping to create a stone garden inside my yard where I could park a third car. I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to do that. We'll see. I'm willing to entertain opinions.

I went to Number's Underworld last night. It was so lame. It was lamer than lame. The audio sucked when they had a little stage show. I'm like, come on... I could do a better job putting on a show in my car port. I left after midnight mostly because I was starving and hadn't eaten a proper dinner. I decided to get a little cheat on and ordered up the breakfast on a bun ranchero from Whataburger. Mmmm. Not on the menu for 12+ years and they still make it. Good times.

query letters

2005.03.11 14.36

I'm starting a little movie script pitching parody website called QueryLetters.net. A query letter is nothing more than a 1-page summary of a script or book that you are either in the process of writing or that you've completed. They're like a pitch so that you can get someone to buy in on your idea. They are devoid of personal information about the author(s) so you won't be hearing about how someone's teacher says that they're a bad ass writer that's surely going to be the next Tarantino. Why am I doing this? So that I'll know how to write a good query letter. The more bad ones you compose -- on purpose -- the easier it should be to avoid cliches and remanufactured ideas. This is kind of like the theory that you can stop someone from smoking by making them smoke, like, ten cigarettes at a time. Anyway, read it and laugh. That's my main goal. It's all about the laughter. Oh, and about the chicks, too. The laughter and the chicks, man. Yeah.

I saw the director's cut of Donnie Darko over the last few evenings. Basically I'd stay up late on the computer, then I'd brush my teeth and get ready for bed... and then I'd put on the DVD. It's a trippy little dark piece. I love those kind of films when they're done well. The best part? Here:

Have you seen The Tape?

i'm older than you

2005.03.09 17.29

I went to Number's on Friday night. I wore my American Eagle jeans, New Balance 991 sneakers, and my Fantastic 4 tee. A had a mini-workout and shower before leaving. I decided to spike up my hair crazy-style with my fibre-paste product. After a quick stop at the Chevron on Montrose for some cashish, I arrived. My regular parking lot guy behind La Strada was there. He offered a better spot for the Eclipse but I was happy with the spot. He's familiar with my arsenal of automobiles, that and I tip him an extra fiver everytime I park. The usual suspects were working the register. I passed them 6 bucks, got tagged like a wild monkey, and went in. There were many attractive peoples there. I settled into my usual area near the pool table. I think I've been a regular at Number's for ten years now. I'm waiting for them to give me my plaque. There were two girls in particular that I noticed dancing -- a tall brunette and a short, petite shorthaired girl. Marilyn Manson's cover of ''Personal Jesus'' came on and the brunette stopped dancing and stood next to me, looking out toward the dance floor. I leaned over and asked her if she stopped dancing because of the song or because Marilyn Manson was singing it. Marilyn Manson tends to scare off the peoples when played on 80's Night. She replied, ''Oh, no... well, I prefer the Depeche Mode version of the song ... but since I'm older than you I guess you wouldn't have heard that version.'' Nice! She knows all the right words to say to me. I asked her how old she was and she quickly replied: ''31.'' I spiked up my hair that night and suddenly I'm lookin' under 30. I need to remember that. She laughed and said everyone in there looked like they were 12. I briefly wonder if I looked 12. No. I'm thinking not. I spoke to them later and found out that they were married and without their husbands for the evening. Wrong answer! The tall girl was named Lisa and her friend was named Amanda. Lisa does videography work professionally. Hey, I do that unprofessionally. Oh, well. At least I have two new friends there. Always a good thing. I went home around 1:30 AM after waiting an hour for my beer high to subside. Mmmm. Beer. I picked up two egg and bacon taquitos from WhataBurger on the way home. Mmmm. Taquitos.

Saturday I held a garage sale from noon to four. I spent the morning cleaning up my junk, taking down my bunk bed from the attic, and making signs to bring people my way. I had about fifteen or so groups of people stop by. Not too bad. I sold a bunch of stuff including the bunk bed. I kept the production label from the bottom of the bunk -- June 1975. Dang. I was six. I made around a hundred bucks. That'll buy plenty more protein. Mmmm. Well, you know.

I had sushi at Kirin II with my dad on Sunday. We then followed up by watching ''Be Cool'' at the Willowbrook 24. I liked it. There were some moments that made me cringe -- particularly Steven Tyler's acting. Eeew. He is much better being himself versus pretending to be himself. I also cringed everytime Travolta and Thurman were shown kinda swaying their heads back and forth as if they were ''into'' the music they were hearing. The music wasn't bad, per se, but it was being presented as if it was The Sh*t. Still, I enjoyed the film. It was offbeat and I like the Chili Palmer character. Hey, there's protein in Chili, isn't there? Okay, that sounds sick when taken the wrong way. Forget I mentioned that.

I imported all of my old manual blog enties into MovableType. Such a pain in the ass. I have no idea how OktoberNight was able to do it and not go crazy. I took me well over 8 hours. Now that I'm done it turns out I've got well over 500 entries posted since I started my blog back in August 2000. I was stuck at home the first week I started making entries. It was all over a misunderstanding about a computer that had someone else's stuff on it -- and I ended up having to take the blame. Nice. I didn't really feel comfortable talking about it back then, but now in retrospect I have heard soooo many crazy stories and rumors about what people think happened. The truth has become so distorted now that even I'm impressed by what some people say I did. I just let them think what they want. Stupid is as stupid does. Anyway, so off my soapbox. My point being -- lots of blog entries have been posted -- and many more are to come. It's so fashionable nowadays to have a blog that I sometimes wonder why it didn't catch on sooner. I believe today or yesterday was the first time a blogger was granted access to the White House briefing room. I don't see myself trying to get in there, but hey, good to know.

import

2005.03.08 1.54

I'm importing all of my old blog entries into MovableType. What does this mean? My site's navigation for entries in the years 2002 and earlier will be kooky until I finish up -- hopefully sometime today after I go to sleep and wake up again. I love that.

crime scene investigation

2005.03.03 23.25

I put together a coming soon trailer page for next week's episode of CSI. I know CBS does the same thing on their site, but I did one of my own due to being Really Enthused™ about fellow blogger Wil Wheaton's part in next week's episode. Go Wil.

the prince patch

2005.03.02 15.02

I am in the process of aggregating all of my fitness related blog entries into their own section of the site. While I was taking a look at all the Mark In Underwear Photos™ that I'd taken, I realized that my Prince Patch needed some serious tending. What's a prince patch? It's my nickname for the small patch of hair I've had on my chest since I was 16 or so. Like a true garden, it has slowly grown in size, although not formidable in circumference. So... I was doing some research on hair removal this weekend. I found good information on this site about hair removal. Mogenic.com as a site is kinda quirky, so don't think that I'm outright recommending the entire thing. That article, however -- good stuff! I plan to add regular Prince Patch Mowing via trimmer to my personal grooming upkeep duties. I've already done it once and, other than getting a nick from holding the trimmer the wrong way, I only have a slight fear that I may trim off one of my nipples. That would be bad. I need my nipples for, uh... balance. Yeah. The next fitness update photos I take will reveal my new ''hairstyle.'' I'm sure most of you can't wait for that day to come.

It's attempt #2 at having a garage sale here in Houston. I've posted a bunch of furniture I'm selling at CraigsList.org. Tomorrow I'll repost the list re-arranged in the garage sale section. I'm giving the public 3 hours of my time to buy my stuff. I plan to make use of my can of Pledge to give my junk the appearance of Fine Quality. If you'd like to take a look at my official Northwest Houston furniture sale items, click here.