fa fa / goodbye 20th century

2000.12.29 18.31

Need to get ready for a surprise party for my pal Nate. He has joined the aforementioned Big Computer Company, or rather he will at the end of January. It is his birthday tonight. I have 60 minutes to get ready and drive to Sugarland to find the place. No problem. Maybe.

I have spent the first part of this evening thinking about donating blood tomorrow at the Tinseltown 290 movie theater. My blood type is O Negative (herein "0-") and it is the perfect blood to donate because anyone can accept that type. The downside? I can only accept O- blood. No A-. No A+. No B-. No B+. No O+. No AB+. No AB-. That's not a good thing. It's for this reason that I am a very defensive driver and will do whatever necessary to avoid getting mangled. Two lane asphault roads? I avoid them. Turning right without stopping first? Never. Take a bullet for the president? Not me! Let him fend for himself. He's a Texan. He should be packing. I wonder if there is a policy against the president carrying his own gun? True, he has secret service agents ready to counteract any possible danger, but it could't hurt, could it? Maybe a nice laser pistol. You know, like the kind they got off that spaceship in Roswell, New Mexico back in the 50's.

Not sure where I am going to spend New Year's. Possibly #'s. There is champagne and it is usually very pleasant (they actually clean and decorate). Last year they had a money drop from hundreds of balloons in the ceiling. About 10 minutes to midnight, I noticed there were already several hundred balloons on the floor (none of which had any money in them). This would not do. I borrowed two cigarettes, lit them, and started popping balloons as fast as I could. After 4 minutes of serious puffing and popping, I eventually destroyed all remaining balloons. When the stroke of midnight fell, I made plenty of money. I think I actually made a $25 profit over what I'd already paid for that evening in door fees and drinks. That rocked. However, if I go this year I am bringing a box full of needles.

In a bold move, the FDA approved the use of caffeine in dog food. Dog owner Sally Starks was among the first to buy some for Nessa, her poodle. When asked about the change in her pet's demeaner, Ms. Starks said, "This is great! Nessa can walk three miles in two minutes now. Almost makes me want to eat some of that stuff."

I recall having an argument with my ugly Social Studies teacher in the 7th grade about what century we were in. She kept saying we were in the 19th and I argued it was the 20th. You know what? She was jacking with me. They ought to kick out teachers for doing that. My fourth grade teacher locked me in a closet once. I was actually just going in there at the end of the day to startle someone. But no... she humiliated me in front of the class. It is for this reason that I am considering going back in time, dating them, and dumping them. That'll be cool. I only need to invent time travel first and problem solved. Revenge is mine. Sorta.