coming in 2001: tooth piercings

2000.09.21 10.59

Found out jury trial for this morning actually happened yesterday morning. Sucks. Called court. Court phone person says, "All the cases for this morning have been dismissed." Dammit! Went to good friend who has tons of tickets. Got card for lawyer. Drove to creepy lawyer's office located right across from courthouse. Got parking meter spot. 25 cents for 2.5 hours. Kick ass. Went into laywers office. Filled out forms. Paid money. Walked to scary bondsman office next door. Filled out more forms. Made thumb-print. Felt like criminal now for my ticket's offense: changing lanes without signaling. Went back into attorney's office with wet thumb. Decided to have attorney take care of upcoming 9/26 arraignment. Paid more money. Attorney secretary says, "If the cops pull you over, just show them these papers." Parking meter read '2.3 hours left' when I got back. Didn't feel like I wasted 23 cents. Stuck bond papers on dashboard for easy access. Drove off. Cell phone rang. Girlfriend was getting speeding ticket. Briefly considered that this was a Houston Police Department conspiracy. After several moments of deep thought, decided, "Nah."

Went to Spenser's Gifts at mall. Saw life-like disembodied body parts for sale. Waiting for disembodied head to go on sale for less than $20. Hate waiting. Going to put body parts in visible view of front door window to discourage potential burglars. Plan to train basset hound to walk around yard with disembodied human hand in his mouth. Wondering what kind of doggie treat will accomplish this.