baskin robbins + 1
2001.08.27 16.08
 The legendery Batmobile is shown in this stock photo taken in 1989. Sources close to the Commissioner Gordon led investigation indicate there are no leads as to where Batman's vehicle is. When stopped on the street last week and questioned about how he felt about the disappearance of the Batmobile, millionaire and Gotham social icon Bruce Wayne indicated, ''I have no idea where it could be. However, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that I will be buying chop shops, no questions asked, starting today. Just call me anytime at 555-CHOP and let's make a deal!'' The car's owner himself, Batman, has been unavailable for comment. |
Bought an 'Us' magazine to read about how Carnie Wilson had her stomach stapled and lost 150 pounds. Her stomach is the size of a lemon and her duodenum is itty bitty. She has to chew up her food very carefully or else it won't make it past the entrance. Scary. I'd rather go on Survivor if it ever came down to my toning up. All the rice you can eat, plenty of people to bitch about, and you use shrubbery to wipe your butt. I think I'd hold off on eating a lot to reduce the # of times I'd have to do that. Anyway, I bet I could do the Carnie Wilson diet without the stomach stapling. All you need is the food item you want to eat, a blender, and 32 ounces of water. Put whatever you want to eat in the blender and blend the hell out of it. You're only allowed to eat a lemon-shaped portion (i.e. pretty damn small). Savor it, then drink LOTS of water until you're full. Don't repeat it again for at least 4 hours. That's it! I should do infomercials, man. I call it the Morale Enhancing Stomach Obfuscating Heavy Urination New Goodness Real Yummy meal... or the M.E. S.O. H.U.N.G.R.Y. meal for short.
Saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back on Saturday night while I was in town. I had been feeling depressed and lonely during the day. Not sure why. PowerBall post-partum, maybe? I have gone months without feeling too bad. I tried cheering myself up by treating myself to sushi and Kirin II. Good sushi, but I needed more. I needed unadulterated mirth. I got my fix thanks to the sharp comic wit of Kevin Smith. If you haven't seen Clerks, Mall Rats, Chasing Amy or Dogma yet, you really need to. Smith basically has taken over where John Hughes left off. The films Hughes made in the 1980s never really grew up beyond high school. Smith takes us into an adult world but it still feels like he's part of the Hughes universe. Of course, I don't even know if Smith thinks Hughes sucks ass or not, so maybe I'll shut my yap. They are really great flicks, however, and worth repeated viewings. The dialog is rich and full of quotables. I can't believe I still haven't bought the Jay and Silent Bob action figures yet. A former coworker friend, let us call him Jason H, was a lucky bastard enough to get an early set of the first Jay and Silent Bob figures produced. I wonder if he's short on money. I want them! I'll take care of them for you, Jason, plus you'll get 200 bucks. You can come by to visit them anytime you want... well, except when I'm walking around the house butt naked and vacuuming. Hmmm. Better schedule an appointment with my secretary before you drop by. Oh, and admission.. did I mention admission? That's $50, although if you bring in a Coke can you'll get a $5 discount, a pat on the back and a hearty heigh-ho.
Sunday I was treated with early birthday stuff from my parents who bought me a kick ass Papa John's pizza for lunch and took me to Fajita Willy's for dinner. I got some Armani cologne (it smells purdy... manly purdy) and a lot of Hilfiger shirts and some pants. I love my parents! Not only are these very nice items, but I didn't have to wash any clothes to wear before I left for Philly. I just packed new ones. I seem to recall some kind of joke in a movie where these women are buying clothes all the time and then someone remarks about washing them, to which they reply, ''You can wash these!?!''
I was listening to the radio today and these two guys were talking about three cool things to see on the web. First, Blue Bell ice cream has a lot of new flavors, one of which is Birthday Cake. Blue Bell is sold mostly in Texas and surrounding states. My Philly friends never heard of it. It's goooood. The cool thing he mentioned was that you can order it online and have it delivered anywhere. Russell Crowe has said publicly that his favorite Texas beer is Shiner Bock. You can't get it in Philly, either. Unfortunately, you can't order it online, either. Bastards. They need to call the Blue Bell people. The second thing the radio guy talked about was this website that teaches you how to create and make money off an adult web site. This guy was pretty open minded and wasn't putting it down. He mentioned that the adult entertainment industry makes 9 billion dollars a year along with the fact that the strong ecommerce for adult content has not faltered during the recent downturn in the economy. The other guy on the radio was very embarassed, though, and couldn't believe what he was hearing. I think everytime the word PORNOGRAPHY was mentioned that it felt like you were hearing a dirty word. Only, it's not a dirty word. However... f*** mag. Now, that's a dirty word! Right? The third cool thing on the web discussed was... uhhh... okay, I don't remember. I think I was so amused by the fact that they were telling you how to learn how to run a pr0n site on the radio that I forgot the rest of the bit.
Getting psyched to be in Los Angeles next week for the Rock Star premiere. I am taking my roommate Oktober, along with another friend from work. Let us call her Kristina P. There is a slight possibility that we may also be partying in the Playboy Mansion on Labor Day. I won't give away any details until I know this is for sure or not, but I think I may be close to pulling this off. I told the girls that they have to bring their business cards and hawk our company to any dudes (or dudettes) that approach them. There is an open bar at the premiere after-party, however. Pitching your company while you're on your fifth Heinekin is pretty tricky. We will be staying at the lovely Best Western of Westwood during our stay. I'm sure a trip to Rodeo drive is imminent. And if I get to meet Hugh Hefner, all the better. I'm all about destroying this whole six degrees of separation thing, ya know?
