Finding myself faced with mysteries of life. What do Canadians call American cheese? And do they call Canadian bacon the same thing? Maybe they call the cheese North American cheese. I don’t get it. Did Canada invent the Canadian bacon? Does it have to come from Canada? What if someone in Ohio makes it exactly […]

Went to downtown Italian restaurant on evening of 2000.10.02. Manicotti. Don’t know what’s in it. Love it. Almost went to high society Italian joint before settling on this new place. Tried to speak Italian later that evening. Bad Italian police pulled me over and ticketed me for poor grammar. Assigned me 30 hours community service […]

Different dudes running MarkWahlberg.com now. Sorta. Message base and CGIs are jacked. Making copy ‘just in case.’ New host dudes found my mini David Schwimmer site and want to buy it. Woo hoo! Took pics of both David and Seth Green while teaching a web agency in New York how to make ZIP files. Seriously. […]

Found photo of marketing department that’s been been putting stupid Anne Murray spiritual music commercials on Cartoon Network.

Watching Anne Murray commercial. Wondering why it’s on Cartoon Network. Every 4 hours Anne’s inspirational songs start going at it on this channel, effectively horrifying children everywhere. Great example of a marketing department on crack. Watched This is Spinal Tap from start to finish for first time. Pretty good. You can tell most of it […]

Can’t get Partridge Family theme song Come On Get Happy out of my head. Considering labotomy. No accidents on freeway today. Traffic blows. Wondering if I can drive an ambulance to work. HOV lane people speed past me. Need to develop lifelike artificial passengers. Hard to find good fake people. Here are some of an […]

Neighborhood civic association hates me. Got second letter in mail that said, "You’d better mow your lawn right now, or we’re going to mail you another letter telling you to mow your lawn!" Can’t stop knees from shaking. Bought new lawn mower two weeks ago from Sears. Self propelled and more horsepower than my garage […]

Restored missing entry from a week ago. In meantime, receiving junk mail from local bond offices. Bad news travels fast. All heard I skipped out on ‘failure to signal’ jury trial. Wondering if scary bondsman did his job or if I’m a fugitive. Went into closet to try on jailhouse orange shirts and pants. Plan […]

Found out jury trial for this morning actually happened yesterday morning. Sucks. Called court. Court phone person says, "All the cases for this morning have been dismissed." Dammit! Went to good friend who has tons of tickets. Got card for lawyer. Drove to creepy lawyer’s office located right across from courthouse. Got parking meter spot. […]

What did I tell you? Traffic cop directing me around this example of Houston driving got really pissed when I whipped out the camera. Laughed at his crazy hand-waving antics and drove on. Cops are kooky. Dead truck on freeway slowed me down to 2 MPH crawl. Offered to help cop push truck off overpass […]