Tonight was the last episode of Star Trek: Voyager. I remember watching the series premiere on Monday, January 16th, 1995. UPN was kicking off its new
network for the first time. They even included a bag of popcorn in the Sunday Houston Chronicle to pop while you watched the premiere. I used to work
for the Chronicle back then, so I snagged myself 4 or 5 extra bags. I popped one that evening. The rest I kept in storage, intending to pop one when the
series finale aired. That day was today. So I went into the drawer where I’d kept the popcorn. It seemed as if time had stood still. It was still
sealed, air tight. I opened it up. No problem. I refreshed my memory by re-reading the instructions (it was 6 1/2 years ago, cut me some slack).
I put it in the microwave. I set it to high and hit start. The popcorn started popping just as usual. And then… it started. The Smell. This was
no ordinary smell. This was about the same smell you’d expect if you were to take someone’s puke and boil it in the microwave. It wasn’t just bad.
It was horrible. The stench was so bad, I emptied an entire can of Lysol Air Freshener / Disinfectant into the air. Nothing helped. Feeling dizzy.
World spinning. Last voyager episode fading. Can’t breathe. Opened window. Pointed fan to blow air out from house. Opened another window on other side
of house. Prayed several times to God, Buddha, Mohammed, Joseph Smith, the Pope and Sinead O’Connor. Right now a wet rag is protecting me from the
noxious fumes I’ve created. I’ve got four more bags if you’d like to clear out a party in 3 minutes or less (depending on when the popping slows down
to 2 to 3 pops per second).