I am sitting next to The Smacker. Every 3 seconds he f***ing makes a smacking sound and it is driving me
up the wall. I am contemplating murder. I don’t think he realizes how annoying this is. Even though he is only
inches away from me and could most likely see what I am typing, I have adjusted the font size on NotePad to use
a really tiny little size. I am pretty confident I can bitch about the torturous smacking that continues unabated.
This guy is evil. He apparently missed his 3 PM flight and I was lucky enough to have had an empty seat next to me
so I could enjoy his frenzy of lip smacking. The garbage service is coming by. He’s not hesitating to get rid of his trash
before I do — all the better so he can smack out loud more and more. I think he might be eating some kind of hard
candy. I am contemplating asking him what he’s eating. Maybe if we are both smacking then the sound will get canceled
out. Somehow I seriously doubt that. I wonder if anyone would notice if I were to slam this laptop into his head and render him unconscious.


I am really sleepy. I woke up at 4 AM today (Monday) and did about 4 hours of work. I then went about my errands in Houston and went out to lunch with My People from the office. I’ll need to write them about this smacking sound I still hear every couple of seconds. They don’t know what they are missing. Where was I? Oh. Errands. I cleaned up all the
junk that was in my bedroom so it is now the best looking room in the house. The study has the last example of my loose
and unhampered pack rat habits. I’ll take care of that when I return again this weekend. I am thinking about
having a bonfire in the front yard. Maybe I’ll make it fall on top of my while I’m building it in homage to the Texas Aggies. I dated a girl once who was an aggie. Wendy was her name. She was totally adorable. She had interesting views on the role of The Man in a relationship and The Woman. I don’t get why I didn’t just marry her. Hmmm. Oh. That’s right. Now I remember. Her boyfriend didn’t like me. He would have definitely gotten in the way of our pending nuptuals. Don’t think badly of her, I was in the middle of another relationship then, too. My only experience with cheating regardless of what my evil ”most recent girlfriend” tells anyone, the witch. Must update ex-files page to accurately reflect her grossity and wickedness.


I don’t know if I’ve specifically mentioned it or not, but Oktober is poised to
be my next roommate sometime in the middle of the summer. She has made her presence felt by painting all of the
walls in many parts of the house and dispatching every object, aside from the tub, out of the hallway bathroom.
We went shopping at Expo and basically redesigned the entire thing within a few hours. On paper, anyway. They
are ordering a black basin for me and will ship all the goodies to my house when they’re done. My goal after
Project Bathroom is to take care of the house exterior and finish the kitchen off by getting IKEA to come down on its
ass. I don’t want ot recognize a thing in there. I would prefer it if little minions did the hard work for me, but right
now there is definite satisfaction in ripping stuff out. Throwing it away is a pain in the ass, however, but I digress.
I’m going to drag everything out on Friday night when I return.


Let me tell you a little bit about working on the East Coast and living on the Gulf Coast. First of all, never assume
a plane is going to get you from point A to point B without some degree of difficulty. Apparently storms and general
bad weather happen in between these two points on the earth. Have you ever noticed that the Universal Studios
logo is the earth experiencing what is probably the best weather conditions ever possible? There isn’t one cloud
on that thing. Impossible! Is their logo some kind of nod to perfection? As if to say, ”Yeah, this is what the earth
would look like if it were a sunny day everywhere” but I think it would also mean that there would be no condensation
in the air thus melting the polar icecaps and destroying civilization as we know it. So, what is Universal trying to say?
I’d better shut up before I go too far. I want to work for them one day.


Noticing I am bitching more in the blog as opposed to being funny. WIll try to make amends by reviewing some of the
things I’ve seen in the last few weeks. The South Park episode I referred to in my previous entry was fantastic.
Written only two weeks ago, they quickly animated it and had it ready a couple of days before showtime. Matt Stone
and Trey Parker are geniuses. I’d talk a little bit more about their ability to see beyond the obvious, but the smacker
guy next to me has started up on another round of lip smacking loudness. There is also some fun turbulence going on
which makes me wanna put up the machine.


After I put up the machine I’m going to continue reading S.M. Stirling’s ”Infiltrator” novel. It is based on the characters
and plotline from the two Terminator movies. I suspect this book might be what they are going to base the upcoming
Terminator 3 plotline on, but it’s hard to tell. I am occasionally bored, amused, intrigued, bored again, annoyed
by smacking sounds, and entertained. Right now it makes a better book story than it would a movie story. I have never
heard of Stirling before (I wonder if he is related to another Super Genius that works for my employer with the
same last name). We’ll see. I met a cute girl on my flight to Houston last Friday night who was reading ”Along Came
a Spider.” I made her laugh quite a bit and I’m pretty sure I made an impact. Unfortunately she was ”with boyfriend”
and unattainable. Stacy Miller was her name, I believe. I figure that is such a common name that ten or twenty Stacy Millers are going to write me wondering if I’m talking about them. If you’re not the pretty hazel eyed furniture rep that had to go to Dallas to shmooze clients, then no, you’re not her. If you are her and you’ve dumped your boyfriend
then we should talk. If you aren’t either one, but if you’d like to talk anyway, then go ahead and hit me with your best email at . I will have a pretty kitchen one day thanks to my slave labor roommate (who I
appreciate whole heartedly, of course) and I’ll be able to make you a nice omelet or pancake one day.
Now, if she would only build me a patio and hot tub. Hmmm.