It finally happened. I cracked at the movie theater! While watching ”Spanglish” with the roommate, a cell phone call interrupted everything 70 minutes into the show.
Rude 45 Year Old Dude (on bright blue cell phone): ”Hello? Who’s this? Oh. You wanna talk to Randall. How you doing? Heh. Yeah. I’m at the movies. Ummm, hold on…”
Guy One Row Behind: ”SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Rude 45 Year Old Dude shares a few more words with the caller and then hands the phone to his adjacent friend Randall (aka Rude 25 Year Old Dude).
Randall (to his wife): ”It’s [unintelligible] calling.” (to phone) Hey, what’s up?”
Guy In Row Behind: ”SHHHHHH!!!! SHHHHHHHHH!!”
Another Person Near Guy In Row Behind: ”Man, get off the phone!” (kicks seat)
This goes on for about 20 seconds. I’m pissed. I give them The Glance several times. Nothing! I then give them The Head Turn. Nothing! I combine The Eye Roll with The Head Turn. Nothing!
Rude 45 Year Old Dude: (out loud) ”I paid my ticket and I can do what I want.”
At this point I’m furious. Just because you buy a ticket does not mean you can do what you want. For example, what I wanted to do was drop a steaming bucket of cow urine on this moron’s head. Unfortunately, a steaming bucket of cow urine was neither close at hand, nor was it appropriate. I chose to do the only thing I could do — make a giant scene.
Me: (standing up) ”Hang up the phone right now. You’re in a public theater. This is not your living room.”
Guy In Row Behind: ”Yeah.” (kicks chair)
Rude 45 Year Old (as Randall continues to chat): ”I paid for my ticket just like everyone else. I can do what I want!”
Me: ”Wrong. Silence is golden. Remember the cheerleader commercial at the beginning of the show that was supposed to shame you into turning off your cell phone? It said Silence is golden!”
Rude 45 Year Old: ”Hey. I paid for my ticket, okay? Shut up.”
At this point I throw down my hands and briskly walk outside of the theater. Someone tells Rude 45 Year Old that he’d better knock if off because he has the whole theater against him. I hear another person say: ”We’re trying to watch the movie.” I walk outside and get the theater manager who’d earlier helped me out with the house lights — they had stayed on after the show originally started. He was sooo nice to Rude 45 Year Old, asking him to please be considerate. Guess what he got in response?
Rude 45 Year Old: ”Look, man, I *paid* for my ticket. I didn’t do anything wrong! I was taking an emergency phone call! Now, go away and leave me alone!”
Nice Movie Theater Manager says, ”Okay,” and pleasantly walks away. I walk back to my seat because I know what’s coming next…
Off-Duty Harris County Sheriff (to Rude 45): ”Sir, please come with me.”
Seeing that The Law has now become involved, Rude 45 Year Old makes no further effort to bring up his special Emergency Phone Call again. He walks out of the theater with the officer. His wife follows him out about 30 seconds later to see what’s up. About two minutes after that, she comes back to signal Randall (Rude 25 Year Old) and his wife to come with her. They all leave for the rest of the film. Peace in the universe has been friggin’ restored.
As far as the movie itself was concerned, Rude People On Cell Phones notwithstanding — it sucked. I hated it. It. Was. So. Boring. The actress who plays the plus-size daughter of Adam Sandler was soooooo annoying. Her acting skills were terrible. Over dramatizing. Ugh! Conversely, the kid playing her brother was non-existent throughout the picture. I suspect his boring scenes were excised. Adam Sandler was completely unfunny. No variation on Happy Gilmore here. Tea Leoni played her Neurotic Housewife character — yet again. It didn’t help that you simply hated her character and couldn’t sympathize with her. At one point she cheats on Adam Sandler even though the story lacked the customary Foreshadowing Of Trouble In The Marriage. It was done as a crude plot device to drive the story forward and create drama (where there was none). The movie tries many times to desperately make you feel — something — but what you mostly will feel is annoyed and confused. What a waste of money! I will never watch it again. Avoid this film at all costs! Review over.
