Been staying in the jacquzzi suite at the Best Western. The water is only as hot as you can get it from the tap. The jacquzzi doesn’t heat the water
for you. No bath salts accompanied the jacquzzi, but oddly enough a bar of soup was always placed there (as if I was gonna take a bath in that
thing — ha). Lots of mirrors on all the walls in case you’re getting your groove on with your most special friend. Needless to say, I tried to avoid looking into
the mirrors. One naked me is enough.
The jets on the jacquzzi were lame. When I finally go out and buy a hot tub I’m gonna have to sample several brands before making a decision.
When the tub drained you could hear this giant sucking noise from the floor drain. I covered up the drain to stop the noise but another drain (the
bathroom sink) started up with the same noise. Pretty soon I had every drain blocked. I am 100% positive I then heard the people in the
room next to me say something like, ”Why the hell is our toilet making that sucking sound?”
Air Tran sucks. The changed all flight schedules after October 1st. Nobody ever told me, however. My flight plan guru in Houston never bothered
to email me the updates. If he or she did, I never got it. See how I cleverly disguise the fact that I am complaining about a particular person.
Maybe I can blame email on this, but I doubt it since I have been getting every CNN BREAKING NEWS email with startling speed for months.
When I arrived at the Philadelphia airport on Friday anticipating my 7:05 PM
departure, I was very depressed to find out that my flight had left at 4. The idiot at the gate was like, ”Dude, we don’t have any more flights for today.”
I was like, ”Dude, I was on a 7:15 PM flight last week. What happened to it.” He was all, ”Dude, I dunno.” And I’m all, ”Well, find out then!”
And he’s all, ”Okay.” Bastard! I called up the travel agency and found out things were even worse: my normal return flight on Sunday, which was
originally scheduled for 3:45 PM, was now set for an unappeasing 10 AM departure… in the morning!!1 What’s up with that?
I booked myself in the airport Marriot overnight where I’d have to wait until the next flight at 6:35 AM. The Marriot, by the way, has
the worst excuse for high speed internet access. STSN, I believe, is the name of the company. This garbage DSL modem never gave me an IP
so I ended up spending 75 cents on a local phone call to dial into AOL. Bleah.
I woke up at 4 in the morning so I could check in early. Guess what? Nobody was at the Air Tran counter FOR HOURS!
This enormous line of 400 people formed behind me until they started issuing tickets at around 5:45 AM.
The dork-knob gate people spent way too much time setting up these useless carry-on restriction signs.
I finally checked in by 6:40 AM (they held the plane). Next up, the security gate guards were in a bad mood.
I had to freaking put my freaking loose change from my pocket into a freaking blue plastic box and run it through the freaking x-ray. What
were they expecting to see? Hidden knives inside my quarters and nickels? Of course they made me go to a table to have my bag searched, again.
I suspect because I am male traveling solo that I am constantly getting my bag searched. I started to open
up my bag and take out one or two things. And then this happens:
Low Paid Security Chick: ”Can I ask what you think you’re doing?”
Me: ”Huh? I’m opening my bag so you can search it.”
Security Chick: ”I only need to see your computer.”
Me: ”Why are you asking me what I think I’m doing FIRST before you ask about my computer? Isn’t it obvious I’m opening up
my bag? What else, besides opening my bag up, did you think I was doing? I certainly wasn’t about to juggle or do a backflip.”
Security Chick: ”I only need to check your computer.”
Me: ”Well, why didn’t you say that in the first place instead of copping the attitude with your ‘Can I ask what you think you’re doing’ crack?”
Security Chick: ”All we need to do is check your computer.”
Me: ”Which doesn’t answer the question I’m asking you. You see, the first thing you said was unnecessary and rude. How was I supposed
to know you only want to check my computer? You guys have done this bag search different every single time I go through here. Is it my fault
you can’t make up your minds?”
Security Chick: ”I didn’t give you any attitude sir. I just needed to check your computer.”
Me: ”Riiiight.”
I then stood still as Security Chick dabbed a bomb sniffing wipey pad all over my laptop and ran it through the bomb sniffy machine.
The result? Surprise! My laptop isn’t a bomb. Of course, it wasn’t a bomb last week, either. I repacked my bag and huffed off. I wonder
if the Green Beret dudes, who so far seem to just stand around and do nothing, were waiting for me to get all uppity so they could drag me off?
To make things even more interesting, the plane landed in Atlanta late making me miss my connection. AirTran, which sucks, was kind enough to book
me onto a Delta flight with a 11:20 AM departure (where I am right now).
I am only going to be in Houston for 20 frickin hours, as opposed to the usual 40 frickin hours.
Techie Note: PCMCIA cards (now widely known as PC Cards) suck up laptop power. If you’re on an airplane and you don’t need your LAN
card, unplug the bee-yotch. I switched to a USB Ethernet adapter last week which cost only $50 and things are wonderful! My machine doesn’t
generate as much heat, and I don’t have the stupid dongle hanging off the side for me to break off every 90 minutes. LinkSys makes the adapter.
I can’t wait to get home.
Update: I got home but, of course, my luggage didn’t follow me. I eventually received it late Sunday night. I talked AirTran into booking me to
their 6 AM Monday morning flight so I could get some things done here (such as enjoying my stay at home). I have the illegal U-Turn ticket from
New Jersey on the brain right now. I called the phone number on the back. Disconnected. I can’t read the guy’s handwriting which gives the name
of the court house. Does this mean this is a fake ticket? I seriously doubt it.
