Last night went to South Street to help my coworker friend find a costume. Went into some creepy place where they were super-pushy with what you could and couldn’t try on.


”Can I try on this wig?”


”NO.”


”How will I know if it fits?”


”HERE. YOU PUT ON BLUE WIG. FITS JUST LIKE OTHER WIGS.”


”Sir, you don’t have to yell.”


I AM NOT YELLING. I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS.


”Oh.”


There were a few good ideas out there and I think final decisions will be worked out this weekend. As I walked back to the car, some jackass sitting in the passenger seat of a big truck with Jersey plates yelled at me. I was wearing a black knit cap. This is kind of how it went, only funnier.


Jackass In Truck: ”Hey, man you look like a giant DICK!”


Me: ”Why, thank you. I was hoping nobody would notice my bulge.”


Jackass: ‘No, not that! I mean you — You look like a giant dick.”


Me: ”I look like I’ve got a big dick. Right. You keep saying that.”


Jackass: [growing impatient] ”Naw, man. You yourself! You!”


Me: ”What about me? You’re jealous of my big giant dick?”


Jackass: ”No! You… look like a big, giant, dick.”


Me: ”Are you hungry for big giant dick? Is that your problem?”


At this point the truck had moved through traffic and the jackass in the passenger seat was no longer within earshot. He looked really pissed that I hadn’t given in to his lame ass insult. That’s ashame. I was about to tell him about his mom and my big giant dick. Tsk tsk.