Haven’t bought a videogame system since 1985 when I paid way too much for a ColecoVision. Compared to, say, a Playstation 2,
it sucked ass. So I bought a Playstation 2 from my buddy Will, the guy who saved me from being crushed by hot and
sticky fans at the Manson concert. I only want hot and sticky cute girls to crush me, not hot and sticky people in general.
Went to Best Buy and bought an extra controller and the game
DOA2. Extra controller is bait to get friends to come over and play. Game DOA2 will lure friends over on the chance that they
can beat me up (or get beaten up) on the TV in hifi blasting stereo.
I’ve been playing the game so much that my right thumb is throbbing. Friends tell me I’m pushing the buttons too hard.
They’re right.
I love the election drama. This is better than Survivor. This is better than Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
I hope they never figure it out. This is cool. At this point I don’t care who wins. I have been numbed. I’d even entertain
the idea of Clinton sticking around for another two years while we invent perfect voting machines. We should invent non-partisoned
robots to run our court system, while we’re at it. We could get these robots to wash our cars and mow our lawns while they
are not at court. And since they don’t have to sleep, they can also guard banks and my house. At least 10 of them should do.
So, any robot inventing volunteers out there? I have a PlayStation 2 you can play while you’re not busy inventing my robots.
Played basketball today. Most of the time we play at the Jersey Village basketball court we are fairly evenly matched.
Even the last time we played those guys and gave the loud mouth a heart attack, we were fairly matched.
However, today there was a slew of Jr. High school aged kids awaiting us. They talked smack. They were scrawny. They kicked our ass.
If I see the one named Sam again I’m going to knock him into a crowd of grandparents.
I’ll admit it, I accidentally passed the ball to one of them a couple of times. He resembled Shawn ("Pike"), one of our
team members. Pike is not very old looking and outfitted with a gut like some of us. Let’s be blunt. I could stand to be
chained to a stairmaster for a couple of days. You can only suck in your gut so much. Like Chandler Bing on Friends. Ever notice
how he’s always wearing untucked shirts? That’s right. Gut. Mine isn’t like totally out of control, luckily.
I find it funny that I can always spot the other dudes who are sucking in their guts, too. Whenever a girl is around, we all
do it. I may be
breaking the Guy Code by talking about this. Need to check my rule book.
That dude who locked his ass into a block of ice in Times Square ("David Blaine") is on Howard Stern right now with his
really cute girlfriend ("Josie Maran").
She apparently brings other girls home for him. Lucky bastard. She claims she first discovered she was bi when attending an all girls
school.
So, now I’m having crazy thoughts about attending a 10 year reunion for one of those schools! It will save me a hell of a lot
of time having to search them out one by one. On the Stern show, Josie said they have
"an amazing hot tub" which leads me to believe that my next
purchase should be an amazing hot tub. Problem is I don’t have a room to put it in. Considering taking out a loan for one
of those ‘Rooms with a View’ extra glass room things and putting the tub in there. My parents probably won’t complain as I’d
be increasing the resale value of the house.
If I had those two things (glass room and an amazing hot tub) I would probably be motivated
to mow my lawn and clean up the house more often. Again, if people would start inventing the aforementioned robots as soon as possible
I will stop bitching about how I haven’t kept up my place. No, wait, I need three things. The glass thing, the amazing hot tub,
and Josie, David Blaine’s girlfriend. I’d promise never to lock myself into a block of ice and I’d let her play with my
Playstation 2 whenever she felt like it. And we can attend her 10 year reunion whenever it comes around.
