Visit MirrorProject.com to see pictures of people taking a picture of themself in the mirror. I have a mirror inside a bicycle tire that I should carry around with me, along with my camera. Excellent meeting possibilities abound. Yeah, I know, this caption isn’t funny. Try squinting your eyes, that usually makes what I write seem funnier. If that doesn’t work, go drink a six-pack of Budweiser and then come back and read this. See? Instant funny.

Didn’t go out last night to the 13th Annual Halloween party, so no new pictures this year to put up online. My time in Houston is so limited, I couldn’t afford to spend it at
a party where they had free beer and jello shots. Okay, I admit, that was a bit crazy. Perhaps I’ll make up for it on Wednesday. I’ve brought my Matrix ‘Neo’ gear with me
(minus the glasses which I need to replace). Three more days of living off diet Coke and rice cakes and I’m there, man!


I’m in Atlanta on my twice weekly flight layover. Chick with a walking stick went by me just now.
She avoided hitting anyone and was walking in a straight line down the hall way. How do they do that? More importantly,
how can *I* do that? Don’t tell me I have to go blind first. I’ve been working on going blind since I was in the 6th grade, and so far it doesn’t seem to be working.


Back in my original Checkout position from last weekend. I am going to stop typing my journal for 60 seconds and count the number of cuties that walk by.
Done. Total: Four. That’s pretty good. Of course the all-time record was the weekend I spent at Baylor University. I swear, I didn’t see one unattractive girl the whole time I was
there. Why I chose to go to University of Houston is beyond me. That place sucked. The attraction ratio there was terrible. Some girl who looked like a cross between Tasha Yar (from Star Trek: The Next Generation)
and Roseanne (from Roseanne, durh) and this ”very nice girl” (that I wasn’t attracted to but was friends with) were the only girls to show an interest in me.
I have to attribute that dry spell to my terrible
complexion at the time. I knew that job grilling burgers at a fast food joint was a bad idea, but nooooo, I still did it. Bleah. Uh oh… there goes another one. Hmmm. Mmmmm.
[trust me, she’s cute].

Taking a break from fighting evil, law enforcement officer Frank Johnson (left) and his partner Jake Feldman (right) laugh out loud upon realizing that the pixel bubble floating in front of Sandra Bernerman (center) could not be removed. ”I’ll be damned if I’ve ever seen one of them pixel bubble things in real life, you know, outside of that show, you know, that bad-boys bad-boys show or whatever it’s called?” remarked officer Johnson. ”It’s called ‘Cops’, ya big doofus,” asserted officer Feldman.

I have a friend at work who is dating a girl from the internet. I’ve only done that a couple of times. One girl turned out to be a psychotic, alcoholic and two weeks pregnant when
we started going out. The second girl was really more of a mutual attraction that didn’t lead to anything except that she’s my roommate now, so go figure. She’s not my girlfriend now,
so that is totally key. I am considering which online dating site I should use. Matchmaker.com? AdultFriendFinder.com? The latter seems tawdry and wicked.
An acquaintance of mine named Jon Boede programmed Matchmaker (he’s the Matchmaker Maker). I know him through my friend Dawn (yes, the one I took to see Madonna).
She worked for him when she was going to school in Austin. I’d introduced Dawn to the Houston Matchmaker BBS one fateful day in 1985. She quickly got to know
everyone on there and embraced technology. I’m not taking credit for the course of her career (she’s an MCSE, former Dell employee, and has a standing goal to tour the world).
So, to get to the freakin’ point, Jon is The Man. He owns the domain email.net
which is why I have the way neat0 email address [REMOVED]. So, I may pick Matchmaker out of loyalty. I know match.com is another contender. There’s also Yahoo
personals. And AOL personals. [more hotties are passing me as I’m typing this and… I’m… losing focus… losing it… uhhh…] Remind me to try to go blind before I get to the airport as this
is killing me. Okay, uh, where the hell was I? Uhhh… oh yeah, so I’m gonna date someone off the internet. That is my goal. What happens next is anybody’s guess. I think that
my earlier goal of marrying someone before the end of the year is totally out the window, so this will have to suffice. I am not going to lie and say it will be easy. There will be
casualties. I have been online long enough
to know that there are hundreds of stupid guys out there sending out the dumbest, lamest, most super-cheesey pick-up emails that they can think of. They make my path rocky
and dangerous. Much like the terrain in Afghanistan. Sort of like my face in college. Okay, so I was in college for, like, 8 years, so I’m only referring to the very beginning of
college. Okay? Anyone that starts calling me pizza face after this is getting a knuckle sandwhich. Dermabrasion happens.


I’ll stop now before this journal becomes the Mark Shields Super Oggler page. Oh. Right. Too late.