celebrate good times? come on!

2000.11.27 23.06

Bush supporter Fred Bautsch does jumping jacks while waiting for his pizza delivery to show up. "Pizza tastes good!" announced Bautsch.

Didn't get into work today. Heard weird alarm early in the morning. Upon investigation found out my heater was croaking. Thought it was my fire alarm. Wrong. The carbon monoxide alarm. Woah. Never thought that sucker would be useful for anything. Kissed alarm several times. Considering marriage proposal. AC dudes were here all day. Realized today was also last day I could take defensive driving. Drove to Blockbuster and picked up big double pack of tapes for $40. Took tests online. Went okay. Passed. Yay. Most boring videos I have seen in months. Questions were all dumb. For example, "Have you watched part 4 of the video?" Duh. My favorite was, "What were the old timey cars doing at the beginning of the video?" Crashing into each other, of course. Fun. I worked on documenting some stuff for work remotely while watchin the video and didn't miss a beat. La la la.

Had court for the famous 'failure to signal' ticket last week. Case dismissed. Judge was one of those older grandfather types. Nice guy. I'll break the law in his district, anytime.

Judges Charles Burton checks a ballot to see if it is a boy ballot or a girl ballot. Smacking his forehead, he eventually conceded that the ballot's gender was too close to call and placed it into the Michael Jackson pile.

Went to Famous Footwear and bought me some shoes. Apparently hiking boots are not ok for basketball. Found a pair of Nike Leather Cortez shoes which are very similar to those the Marty McFly character wore in Back to the Future. Putting together a Marty costume. So far I have a blue jean jacket and the orange 'life preserver' jacket. Yeah, I'm a geek, but what else would I wear when driving? Oh, right, these glasses, too. Funny thing about the DeLorean is that sometimes people come up to me believing all the Back to the Future stuff is real. They never saw a normal DeLorean, so things like time circuits and a flux capacitor seem normal to them. Man, if it actually worked, do you think I would be sitting around? I'd be playing Lotto and moving into my Atlas Missile Silo.

Saw Unbreakable last week with my dad. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. Bad wig on Jackson, though. As if they were afraid of having two bald guys in a movie at the same time.

Notice that I visit my parents more often when I'm single. Not related to who I am dating, just that I am not always as busy. Also notice that I'm not eating as much as before. I keep dating girls with extremely high metabolisms. My metabolism is not what it used to be. Not sure what to do about that. Exercise? Yuck.

Went to #'s on Friday night and had a great time. There's a place in the back called The Deck. Went up there and hung out with the scary people. They are more social up there, albeit more stupid, too. However, everytime I'm there I always seem to see flashing of the female variety. Friday was no exception. My bud (codename PookieMan) didn't show up again, though. You missed out on the glands, Pookie! Threatening to reveal his true identity to the world.

these dreams, those dreams, whatever

2000.11.21 11.04

Palm Beach County Supervisor of Elections Theresa LePore uses her psychic powers to determine voter intent. "Most of the time I have to be watching 'Sabrina the Teenage Witch' reruns to do this right," admitted Ms. LePore.

was it the chad?

2000.11.19 14.37

Been a busy week. Went into the office and made the most of being out in the open area, out of an office. Find myself cursing out loud less often. All surfing now is G-Rated no matter what. Off-color joke emails get deleted quickly. Adjusted my screen resolution to 1600x1200 so that no normal human can read it without pressing face against screen. Some dork walked off with my blue squishy ball. Dammit. My awesome Huffy Micro Scooter keeps getting borrowed and not returned. I can't cry in private anymore. Ha ha.

Found out big cans of dog food were on sale at Wal-Mart for 66 cents a can. Bought 48 cans. Saw neat stainless steel thermos bottles for sale. Put two into my cart. Went to checkout lane in the garden department. Scary giant cashier lady there said she had to scan each can one at a time. I begged her not to. She said her manager told her she had to. Dammit. Waited forever. She dropped one of my neat stainless steel thermoses on the floor. Handing it to me I found a dent and asked if I could switch it with another. She said O.K. Got new one. She was on can #28 around then. At end of this agonizing process, I took receipt and counted each individual scan. 48 cans. Good. Expressed further disgust and left store. In parking lot I found only one of my thermos bottles in the bag. Went back inside. Scary giant cashier lady was gone. Little old lady with yellow marker was there. Showed yellow marker lady my receipt and noticed my other thermos was still sitting on counter. Marker lady wouldn't let me take it. Asked her to bring back giant scary cashier lady. Marker lady huffed off. Minutes later, scary giant cashier lady returned and said, "I thought you were only buying one." Shoved my receipt into her giant face and pointed out the two scans for each thermos. As if she couldn't believe it, she said after a long pause that I could take the thermos. Glared at yellow marker lady on my way out. That was a suck.

Thinking about this manual recount business. Still doesn't make sense why they don't do it across the entire state. Why only count manually in 4 big ass democratic counties? Guess losing three times in a row isn't enough for Gore.

insanity / gimme some mo

2000.11.11 21.02

Florida election officials blinded by strong florescent lighting use rejected ballots to shield their eyes. "It's so bright in here. Where are my sunglasses?" inquired Judge Charles Burton (left). Republican election officials have steadfastly held that the lighting conditions seem fine to them.
Vice President Al Gore finds time to jog amidst allegations that the democrats have been asking for recounts until they finally like the count. "I'll bet if we use magic sheep to count them that the will of the people will be revealed," Gore was quoted as saying as he huffed and puffed while jogging in the middle of a busy street alongside his group sex partners (left to right) Jill, Bobby, Aaron and Svenska. "Aaron likes to watch my ass when I run," Gore added.

Drove DeLorean around again tonight. Went to Kirin Japanese Seafood and had a lot of sushi and oysters. If I die tomorrow then please blame the oysters. They seemed fine. It's a lot like eating meat-jello (or at least that's what I think of when I eat oysters). When I was a little kid I couldn't stand oysters and when forced to eat one, I would always chuck all over the place. My dad *loved* them and couldn't get my aversion. For some reason every Thanksgiving I would eat oysters left and right from the stuffing (thanks to my dad). When I realized that these tastey meaty things were in fact the oysters that I was deathly afraid of, I entered a new era. A new phase. I began to dig them. Oysters are yummy. Bring them to me. Are they still alive and pulsing? Good! Yum!

In the upcoming sequel Matrix II, Trinity is captured by democratic Agent programs and forced to count and re-count 200 year old Florida ballots. "Someone kill me," begs Trinity.

Feeling a bit better after being tossed into the open spaces. Want to go up to office and get work done, but apathy is so soothing and comforting. Lots of Veteran's Day movies on television are entertaining distractions. John Wayne was The Man.

Plotting a visit to the movies tonight to see Little Nicky. Saw Charlies Angels this past Sunday night and it was really great. The director McG delivered as far as filming in what he called 'hyper-reality.' Had strange dream last night that I got hired by Comedy Central to write for The Daily Show. It paid crap, so that sucked.

Have been hearing a lot from people who love my Time Vehicle. Planning to figure out how some of the equipment works and will make attempts to duplicate it. Pondering idea of making it work for real. That would also involve a trip to La La Land, so probably no dice.

art of bleah

2000.11.10 19.58

Bush supporter Michelle Granda gives Gore supporter Scott Brown the index finger outside the Palm Beach County elections headquarters on Thursday. "How dare you point your index finger at me," countered the frightened and weasel-like Brown just before he burst into tears. "No re-vote for you, flag-shirt hippie!" responded Michelle.

Feeling super depressed right now. I was asked to vacate my office and move to the open area with our Herman Miller cubicles. They are cool looking, but can't help but feel sad about not having my own working environment. It wasn't that I was doing anything wrong. There was some rule system put together to determine who would and would not get offices. Apparently my moving into another department cost me my office. I have the idea in my head that I should try to grow the department to where it is huge and we are the most important revenue generating practice, but even if I succeed at that I doubt I will get a crack at another office any time soon. Bleah.

Want to cheer me up? Buy me this. I wish I wasn't writing such depressing blog entries, but there is not a heck of a lot to cheer about. Yes, maybe Bush won the election. But the cloud of uncertainly blows. And people are getting nasty about it. Honestly, I don't really care who wins. Clinton was in office and I've been very successful, so whatever. My ability to do well does not tie to who is president. However, having your president uphold your particular set of values is very nice. I am sure this is why my friends and I have had very interesting talks about who we voted for. So far no fist fights, but I'm not sure if I'll be invited to go out on a whim. Bleah 2.

limbo purgatory

2000.11.09 12.32

Jesse Jackson attempts to make his index finger pass through a Florida election ballot. After several failed attempts, the determined Reverend was quoted as saying, "Dammit, how the hell does David Copperfield do this?"

Figured out my ill feelings at the Manson concert. Didn't know the words to new songs he played, so I felt cheated out of a sing-a-long. Touching sticky sweaty people while in mosh pit was also reason for feeling icky.

Noticing that certain folks I work with are getting very negative. Notice this happening with many people after they have been at their jobs for over a year or two. Positive optimism turns to negative demeanor. Not that things are bad, but apparently people are apt to get tired of what they are doing and take it out on others. That sucks. Should be a meter reading to check on these people so others don't have to suffer. Last place I worked at (Cy-Fair I.S.D.) was populated with many of these types. My solution? Forced vacation. That way everytime things start going the wrong way you can send off the shmoe to cool off in another city. Alternate solution? Sign that person up with as many headhunters as possible. That way they get offers for new, higher paying jobs, and consequently you don't have to put up with their B.S. after they're gone. Everybody wins.

Can't stand not knowing who won election. While we don't know who won, you can walk up to people and say, "Did you hear that Bush/Gore won?"

"Really?"

"No."

chill / my choice

2000.11.04 6.02

Want to see The Blue Man Group perform one day. Are you unbreakable?

Went to Manson concert last night. Had fun time. Managed to get about 20 feet from the stage, dead center. As soon as Manson started up, the mosh from hell began. Wasn't too bad. Fell down two times. Each time someone grabbed me and pulled me up. That was so cool. Friendly moshing. Who would have thought? The heat and lack of fresh air eventually wore me down after the second song and I made my way back to the edge of the concert. Manson put on a great show. I felt a bit disappointed for some reason, but can't put finger on cause. Went outside after show and stood by buses and watched band meet with fans, etc.

My feelings and why I'm voting for Bush.

ketchup

2000.11.03 12.32

10/27, Friday Night: Went to #'s and to a nearby party once I realized the night was a suck. Entrance fee to party was $10. Went to gate. Off duty cop stood in way. Told cop, "Yup, just coming back from my car." Made weak attempt at smile. Cop waves me in. I find friends from work there and catch up on what I've missed. Lame factor at this point was reaching critical levels. Made abrupt departure.

10/28, Saturday: Missed basketball game at 3 PM. Practicing my new 'I Don't Care' attitude. I am doing okay with it, but I seem to lack motivation to keep it up. Prepared myself for Halloween 2000 party held by friend/client. Had to paint my 90 cent guns. Did so around 4 P.M. Pointed oscillating fan at guns. Guns dried fast. Made touch-up painting at 6 P.M. More fanning. Guns looked good. Took lotsa photos. Could not complain as beer and jello shots were free and plentiful. Went as Neo. Look like a puffy version of him. Considering taking up jogging and malnutrition as a hobby to counteract puffiness. Went to yet another party after this one. Other friends were there although I was slipping away mentally. Recovered. Made abrupt departure.

10/29, Sunday: Slept in. Watched really bad shows on 'E' and 'VH-1.' I can sit around all day watching how celebrities have totally jacked up lives. Very entertaining. Considering becoming celebrity just so I can watch a show about my jacked up life. Heard about some stupid L.A.P.D. cop that shot a guy in costume at a halloween party who had a gun. Guy was dressed up as the devil. Hopefully that deal where you wear the same thing you died in isn't true (for him). Cops at party last night only glanced at my fake-o guns briefly. Didn't even get padded down upon entry. Ah, Houston.

10/30, Monday: Effects from daylight saving's time yesterday got me into work at 7:40 A.M. Thought I'd have my pick of parking places. Wrong. Place was packed. Wondering if vampires work a night shift somewhere on the 13th floor. Tried to get into swing of programming some Java. Wrong. Found out Java has subset called Swing. Tried to get into the swing of Swing. Wrong. Got letter in mail from lawyer giving me court date for the 'Failure To Signal' famous ticket. Grunted and spit. Remembered that I need to take defense driving this month. Grunted and spit a second time.

10/31, Tuesday. Made stupid looking hat for office Halloween party. Didn't win anything. Strangely enough, entire floor of folks below us almost all made hats. My floor barely did. My hat was too heavy as it had a laptop glued to it. Took apart hat after my defeat and planned evening. Attempted to get fellow freaks to attend the #'s Vampire Ball with me, but no takers. That night I drove the Time Machine around and impressed little kids left and right. Decided story about how car was made by model maker in Florida wasn't interesting enough. Told people car was actual car from the movie and that I was getting it ready for the next movie. Wondering what other kind of disinformation I could spread. Pointed a fender out to one kid and said, "This part of the car actually touched Michael J. Fox's butt." Kids touched fender and went, "Wow!" Eeew. Decided not to go to Vampire Ball as it would save me some money. Going next year, however.

11/01, Wednesday: Found out effect of daylight savings time could not last. Got in at normal time. Cranked through work. Went home. Watched Star Trek with my dad. Pondered having teeth whitened. Crashed.

11/02, Thursday: Managed to hook myself into a big night time dinner meeting with other offices in my region. Met interesting people. Upon return to work, made abrupt departure for home. Got another freaking speeding ticket on way home. 70 in a 60. This time I was definitely not speeding. Didn't have 'my daughter just smashed her head' story ready in time. Tried to talk cop out of ticket or to get warning ticket. Cop says only county cops have warning tickets. Bastard. Drove home driving minimum speed of 45 MPH to avoid further bulls**t. Furrowed eyebrows several times in anger. Brushed and flossed. Went to sleep.

11/03, Friday: Realized I haven't updated in forever. Got to work moderately late. Need to make up hours on weekend. Remembered ticket last night and furrowed eyebrows again. Got my voter's registration card in mail. Yay. Going to vote for Bush. Getting quizzed by people who want to know why I'm voting for him. Giving them Bush's URL. I hate explaining. Last night I dreamt a friend of mine had somehow acquired a million dollar microwave oven. Top secret. Very confidential. I took apart my stereo speakers and hid oven inside them. FBI dudes were walking outside my street with radiation detection equipment trying to find it. When coast was clear, I took out million dollar microwave hidden in my speaker and used it to heat up a cup of cafe mocha. Coffee began to boil after 1 second. Cool. Million dollar microwaves kick ass.