mr. clean

2003.12.29 14.33

My bedroom has been a freakin' holy mess for the last two and a half years. I'd consolidated all of my stuff into the master bedroom long ago to accomodate my roommates. That all changed this past week when I decided sentimental attachment to crap was a waste of time and space. Those two wooden chairs my dad stained in the 1980's? Toast. I love my dad, but the chairs went out of style when Wham broke up. I tossed out too many things to mention. Once done I had enough room to move my computer desk into The Closet Where It All Started. My master bedroom closet has the honor of being the specific location where I learned to program. TI Extended BASIC and some Assembly coding, in my case. I also spent quite a lot of time playing Atari 2600 games in there. Unlike other closets, this one has phone, power, and cable TV connectivity. Nice. Now that the hard work of clearing out the closet is done, my goal for the master bedroom is to take the minimalist approach. I've got to get rid of a few more things to accomplish that goal -- ugly furniture notwithstanding. When I'm done I think I'll throw a pajama party in there for all my single female friends. Now that I think about it, I believe several pajama parties may be on order. A series, perhaps. I need to place an order for this book, ASAP.

My Christmas went smooth. I got some Jupe! (pour homme) cologne and some nice shirts and STARTREKDEEPSPACENINESEASONFIVE!!!!!1 I really wanted that. If you come over, we could watch it! No, really. Bring a comfortable pillow, however, as it will take 20+ hours to get through it all. As far as activities go.... I did some skating earlier in the week at the Woodlands Ghetto Skate Park. It wasn't really ghetto, but the rink itself could have been more... upscale? I hung out with OktoberNight and her sis during that adventure. We followed up this past weekend at the Sam Hoston Raceway where I tore through $39 of perfectly good Super Genius funds. Where else? There was a wine tasting event earlier in the week. I brought in two bottles -- one did so-so and the other bombed. There was some dude at the liquor store giving away free glasses of his crappy Greek wine. Not that there's anything wrong with Greek wine, but this Greek wine was particularly bad. Rule of thumb -- if someone is hawking wine at the liquor store, it obviously means it isn't selling itself.

do not lost them

2003.12.25 21.46

Thank you for purchasing your tickets online via our secure ticketing system. You will get an email with ticket pick-up & will call location information. We are NOT responsible for lost tickets, so DO NOT LOST THEM! - NYEPhilly.com

Nothing like a little bad grammar to lighten your day. It's Christmas. Happy Holidays to everyone. I'm contemplating going to Number's tonight, although admittedly I'm thinking that it'll be deserted. Who goes out on Christmas night? I may just go to see that question answered. My day has been fine and dandy. I finished my shopping yesterday and all of my presents were wrapped and ready. I hit the parents house at 9 and didn't leave until around 6 this evening. We had a far healthier home made turkey meal courtesy of my dad. I prefer his cooking to that of Luby's. We saw ''Paycheck'' which was a servicable thriller. I jumped in my seat during one scene. It's been a looong time since that has happened. Am I becoming dulled to action? I guess not. Right now I'm back home wishing my bedroom was cleaner (and emptier) than it is. So much junk in here. I found this rubber ''Project Graduation'' keychain dealy that I've had in my drawer since 1987. I should really throw some of this crap out. I may do that in lieu of my aforementioned Number's investigations.

Oh, about that first paragraph... I'm attending the Constitution Center new year's eve party. Are you going? 300 tickets are left, I hear. I'm hoping my friends get on the ball and buy tickets. Time to make a phone call.

webby

2003.12.15 14.06

I'm back at work. Woke up at 6 AM and got here at 7:30 AM. Howard Stern entertained me faithfully. Most of my worries seem to be subsiding at the moment, although nothing is resolved. I am planning ahead for my return to Houston next week. A group of us are going to meet at PF Changs once my plane touches down and I pick up the latest scary rental car form Hertz. This whole trip is on my own coin (flight + car). If I had a flying car that would make things way easier. Now that I think about it, I have a standing bet with Carl that there will be flying cars by 2015. We made this bet in 1990. I bet there would be, he bet against it. I fear he may yet collect that $100. Remind me to make smarter bets.

I spent the weekend working at my new desk and watching all of the ''Two Towers'' DVD goodies. They basically spill every secret about the making of the movie on those extra discs. Great stuff. I'm super excited about seeing the last one. It's getting stellar reviews. Friend of mine said it was better than the Back to the Future trilogy. Yeah... maybe. We'll see after Wednesday.

something's gotta give

2003.12.13 0.02

Just got back from seeing ''Somethings Gotta Give.'' It was good. It was original. Don't see it alone, however. Definitely a date flick. I had other issues on my mind that hampered my enjoyment. What issues? Well, let's just say that the question of the hour is: Should I buy anyone anything for the holidays or should I buckle down because I'm going to be f---ed over by unexpected taxes? The last two days have been miserable as I've dealt with severe anxiety -- and don't even get me started on the tool from Portland. Jerk. I'd rather be in a constant state of worry over something else... like ''tastes great'' or ''less filling.'' Gimme some of that.

welcome to some hick's blog

2003.12.11 21.46

I was feeling bored tonight and thought I'd check on my site stats. I was surprised to find myself linked by some chump who had this to say:

In other news today, if you do a google search for "Miserable Failure," guess what the top result is? A link to George W Bush's biography. Make no mistake about it; it is the official, politically corrected White House biography. It is also interesting to note almost all the other websites that show up also refer to George Bush as a miserable failure. So in the same vein, I did a google search for "super genius." This is what I end up with. A website for some random hick who has a webpage. A website kinda like mine, but it with whacked out matrix-style graphics. In conclusion, google searches sometime yield correct results (see "Miserable Failure") or they can spew out garbage (see "Super Genius").

First of all, this dude lives in Portland. Should I stop right there? That says it all. Portland? If I lived there, I'd be all, ''Please shoot me in the head as soon as possible, I live in Portland!'' This kid has nothing better to do than find a hundred different ways to say Bush Sucks. Yawn. While the opportunity to express his sentiment in a logical manner is possible, everything he says is trite and pointless and would do little to sway anyone on the fence about Bush. He ends up sounding like a little whiney ass. Is that supposed to impress someone? If you read his site you'll see it's 95% ''crybaby political banter'' and 5% ''I have nothing worthwhile to say -- perhaps I'll call one of my teachers a name.'' Get out and vote, kid. Your lame ass site isn't going to make a dent -- especially considering it's mostly copy and pasted text stolen from political joke sites and news articles. His seemingly witty entry about ''miserable failure'' coming up in Google? Not his own. He posted about it on 12/8/2003. Read an article about this exact subject that was published on 12/8/2003. There are more points to make about this plagiarist moron, but I'd rather not waste my time on a third-rate chump who has done nothing more than proven he knows how to steal other people's ideas. By the way, this is not my endorsement of Bush by a longshot. I'm a rigid independent and I'll vote for the person I think is best for the job. Not because I read some lame high schooler's website and was impressed by his ripoff blog.

The ''random hick'' Super Genius has spoken.

coming soon: the second to last samurai

2003.12.10 0.51

Still at home. Decided I needed a desk and chair to get work done. Previously I'd work from my bed and use the projector on the wall as my screen. This works fine for short intervals. On the 8th day in a row, however, it blows. Staples had an awesome desk for $69. Very Bill & Ted. The chair was $129. I enjoyed assembling, but I loath the thought of having to move all my computer junk now. I thought I'd share this bit of ''What Is Mark Doing Now?'' trivia to get the boring stuff out of the way. Done!

Last night I journeyed to Cherry Hill and saw ''The Last Samurai'' while dining on Deluxe Nachos and Diet Coke. It was almost the perfect date, except for the obvious fact that I wasn't on one. Tom Cruise really did a great job with this part. I had heard some talk about fakey looking CGI landscapes, but I saw nothing that bothered me. I did think it was a mild stretch that Tom Cruise's character could pick up Japanese and advanced Samurai swordplay abilities in what seemed like a few months, but I'll suspend disbelief in lieu of great action sequences and bold drama. Five stars. See it. Bring a tissue in case you start crying like a little girl. Unless you are a little girl, of course, in which case you'll be crying like you always cry.

If you didn't catch Saturday Night Live last week, you missed a great show. The best skit was during Weekend Update between Jimmy Fallon and Paris Hilton. Jimmy learns that there really is a Hilton in Paris, so he starts quizzing Paris about it.

Jimmy: ''I hear the Paris Hilton is really beautiful.''

Paris: ''I'm glad you've heard that.''

Jimmy: ''Do they allow double occupancy at the Paris Hilton?''

Paris: ''No.''

Jimmy: ''Is the Paris Hilton roomy?''

Paris: ''It might be for you, but, most people find it very comfortable. ''

Jimmy: ''I'm a V.I.P. -- I may need to go in the back entrance.''

Paris: ''Doesn't matter who you are. Not going to happen.''

Jimmy: ''I throw a lot of events. Do they have a ballroom there?''

Paris: ''We do.''

Jimmy: ''Oh, great. I'd love to my balls held by the Paris Hilton. I'd really like to check in to the Paris Hilton.

Paris: ''I don't think you can.''

Jimmy: ''Really? I guess I'd only be able to stay there for like, a minute and a half.''

Paris: ''Good luck.''

That's classic TV folks.

libyan connection

2003.12.06 15.58

I was going over some old Microsoft Word files I have in my archives. I wrote a poem a few years ago based on the point of view of the Libyans who caused all that trouble for Marty in the original ''Back to the Future.'' Now, I realize joking about terrorists is still somewhat taboo, but I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of my not mocking them. See what you think. It's incomplete and anything in brackets was meant to be added later.

The Libyan Connection

In the dank and putrid motel room,
the Libyans planned their night.
"We will get the man who ripped us off
and cared not of our plight!"

They plotted their plan
and picked the man
who'd drive the van real nice.
His name was Brent,
of Libyan descent,
though his name would make you think twice.

Their proposal was set.
Fate would be met.
The doctor would die for his crime.
Brent's driving was flawless,
albeit lawless.
He could turn that van on a dime.

He needed no license.
He had Mike Tyson's.
Though Brent parts his hair on the side.
But that didn't matter.
The doctor would splatter
and Brent would enjoy the ride.

A light shower fell.
You could hardly tell,
though the streets were wet and glossy.
It would not make a difference,
nor be a hindrance,
to the mission of this Libyan posse.

They loaded their gear.
Asif sat in the rear
to make ready their terrorist toys.
Azeem would ride
in the passenger side.
Machine guns were his weapon of choice.

What could cause such reprisal,
hatred... despisal?
These guys were super-pissed.
The truth be told,
they'd been left out in the cold
by a silver-haired, mad scientist.

He promised a bomb
that he'd build with aplomb.
The explosion would wake the dead.
The Libyans agreed, this bomb they would need.
''Money is no object,'' they said.

There was only one catch.
The doc needed a batch
of Plutonium 438.
Pulling the doctor aside,
Azeem then replied,
''We get you the stuff. You just wait.''

The Doc went straight to building
a bomb capable of yielding
fire and brimstone and hell.
''When you set this off,
no one will scoff,
your message will be clear as a bell.''

Rubbing their hands
the Libyans began to make plans
to put their expensive bomb to use.
Little did they know
that only weeks ago
the Doc planned a well thought-out ruse.

He traveled one day
to a local video arcade
that sold old pinball games that had died.
They thought he was nuts
to buy pinball machine guts.
They figured his brain was fried.

[discovery of the fake bomb]
[doc disappears]
[give the date for night of the first time travel experiments]
[transition back to the libyans rolling out]

The motel desk clerk
was asleep, not alert,
as the van drove into the street.
Asif, still in back,
prepared to attack
by gently massaging his feet.

To Brent and Azeem
this really did seem
a strange way to clear one's thoughts.
Brent thought it cool
to relax by the pool,
though he'd still listen for distant gunshots.

[they pass a sports car on the street by the theatre]
[they approach the mall, driving around it in circles]
[they spot the lights on the doc's truck and begin heading for it]
[the shoot (use movie for info) and chase ensues]
[they come alongside the Delorean]
[Rocket launcher guy, guy sticking his head out of the sunroof, etc]
[Delorean vanishes]
[Van hits Fotomat booth and crashes]
[Libyans take a cab home, disgusted, with plans for revenge in the future]

Yeah, I know it needs work. I think I may have started writing that ten years ago. Perhaps it should stay incomplete, eh?

unbelievable!

2003.12.04 18.32

I've received some unusual emails over the last five years as webmaster of MarkWahlberg.com. Most of the email is spam. Maybe 5% is fan mail. I give those people the talent agency address where mail can be sent. I may forward less than 0.5% to either Mark's manager or to his brother. But the email I got today has to take the cake on tasteless. Read:

Hello, I am a fan of Mark Wahlberg's and I have a
bet with my daughter.
I told her that Mark was in prison for killing a man
and she says no. We have
a dinner riding on this. Thank you.
 
[name removed]
Claims Support Specialist
[company name removed]

Can you believe someone would ask something like that? She's a claims support specialist for a very well-known insurance company. I'm like, ''Duh, what is wrong with you?!'' Of course, her insane notion that he killed someone is absolutely not true. What makes people so deliberately insensitive that they will send stupid emails like that -- with their company's name on the signature tagline? Geez.

In other news... I am watching ''The Dead Zone'' season one and loving it. Good stuff. Anthony Michael Hall is sitting on a gold mine. If all child actors were able to get a part as rich as this, you probably wouldn't see as many of them showing up dead in front of the Viper Room.

I just blew a snot out of my nose from laughing at what I just typed. Nice visual, eh?

bad timing

2003.12.02 22.19

It was Thanksgiving and my dad bought our meal from the local Luby's. okBlasphemy? Nah. I spent the better part of the day with the parents and did my ILOVEMYMOM&DAD bonding. I saw ''Haunted Mansion'' that night with the dad. Our original intent was to see ''Bad Santa'' but apparently 4000 other people already had that plan before us. Pfft. The rest of the week is a bit of a blur. I played some Unreal Tourament with my roommate and his brothers on Saturday. My character died. A lot. I think my strategy is that if I see you to come running up in your face shooting. I need a new strategy.

I originally thought I'd return to Philly on Sunday but my flight was rescheduled. I got a nice apology and a travel certificate for my trouble. Can't complain. I arrived and found a letter from the police in my mailbox summoning me to their presence. I took a cab to the precinct after initially thinking I'd walk. It's cold here. I waited. Waited some more. More waiting. Finally someone took me to a room with a two-way glass and started asking me about drugs and residues and all sorts of confusing questions. Turns out that this package of clothes I'd shipped for one of my ex-pat friends overseas had come back as undelivereable and aroused the nasal prowess of their K9 drug dog. I have no idea how, but the shoes inside were apparently so positive for The Pot that the police thought they must have surely been used in a Cheech and Chong film. I was given custody of said drug-laden shoes after signing a property release form. Check, please?

My AbbyShot trench arrived and did not fit. I was told my shoulder measurements were too wide. I then got specific directions about how I should remeasure myself. I did so. Apparently they weren't specific enough. So I'm pissed. I have to ship this thing back to Canada and face another round of import tariffs. Sucks. I am almost tempted to have it altered here in the tariff-free United States. We'll see. I have photos of it, but it looks so stupid with the super wide shoulders that I cannot fathom why they went ahead and produced it when it was obvious I needed to go back to the measurement drawing board.

And to make things more interesting... I am on the bench as far as work goes while I await 2004 budget approvals. I didn't find this out until this morning (Tuesday). I totally worship my client, however, so I'll be doing whatever has to be done. Or rather, not done. I just wish I hadn't planned on taking less vacation this month so I could get more work done. Talk about your bad timing. I'll be back in Houston from 12/19/2003 through 12/29/2003. That will probably coincide with when I can start billing again. Woo. Oh -- if you're a Houston based FFOTSG (Female Friend Of The Super Genius) and you plan on making a Super Genius Booty Call, please give me at least 6 hours advanced notice. Supermodels, however, may be eligible to waive the 6 hour time limit. Good to know.