2001.04.30 18.30The guy who runs Napster is a genius. When you log onto his site, this message is at the very top:
Napster is continuing to comply with the District Court's injunction and to prevent the record companies from shutting down file sharing. In the process of doing so, we have implemented a range of filters designed to remove from the Napster service all copyrighted works for which we have received notice. We have recently enhanced those filters in an effort to screen out the wide range of variations in artist name and song title that result in noticed works continuing to appear on the Napster index.The first obvious thing to realize is that he is TELLING YOU how to avoid the filter. Yeah, terms of service this and that, but it basically spells out all of the techniques that are pretty much working for people who are avoiding the filters. Very clever. Make it sound like you're all frustrated by these strategies, and yet list them very carefully so everyone can go get a nice free copy of napcameback. Heh. The NapCameBack site is run by Canadians. Whoever said nothing good comes out of Canada (other than comedians, actors and beer)? Heh.
here's to you mrs. robinson
Indisputable evidence of time travel: While attending his 1987 senior prom, Mark Shields smiles for the camera unaware that his 1991 counterpart is about to swipe souvineer prom glasses. For more info, review the documentary Back to the Future: Part 4.
I have come down with a case of poison ivy once again. I get it every year, usually after I mow my lawn. I don't understand why I don't recognize it before I cut it. I still don't have it as bad as the time I got it years ago when my feet were covered in a really gross, thick rash and turned purple. Nasty. Had to go to the doctor for a cortizone shot and lotsa pills. I couldn't sleep for two days. I feel like I've mentioned this before. Could it be that I talked about this in a blog already? Yikes.
After hearing Camilla mention she has been listening to the new Rammstein album over and over, I bought the CD. It's really, really good. I'll bet my tonsils that one of the tracks will make it into the soundtrack for Matrix 2. Ah, well. What would anyone do with my tonsils anyway? Garnish?
You know, I hate to ask, but are friends electric?
I am just a poor boy though my story's seldom told. I have squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises. All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear And disregards the rest. Hmmmm... Mmmm... When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy In the company of strangers In the quiet of the railway station, runnin' scared. Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters, where the ragged people go Lookin' for the places only they would know. Asking only workman's wages, I come looking for a job, but I get no offers. Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue. I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome I took some comfort there. La la luh luh luh luh luh. Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin' even me. I am older than I once was, and younger than I'll be, that's not unusual. No it isn't strange, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same. After changes we are more or less the same... And I'm laying out my winter clothes, wishing I was gone, goin' home Where the New York city winters aren't bleedin' me, leadin' me to go home. In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him 'Til he cried out in his anger and his shame. I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains. Hmmmm... Yes, he still remains.''The Boxer'' by Simon and Garfunkle from the album ''Greatest Hits''
2001.04.26 18.53They let us in early. Tried to buy a coke but the bar said they can't sell anything until 7. There are 4 bars in here, spread scross the floor. I went to a different one. Same deal. Went to a third one. Got my coke. Nyah nyah. The restroom here (which I paid a quick visit to) is back where I think the old locker room entrances are. I feel much better. What? Too much sharing? Rebecca, Hamish and Rich (Chef) will also be attending. Not here yet. I am sitting off to the side and watching to see who gets giddy when around the time vehicle. I only got one smart ass comment ('you got any coke in that?'). Bastard! Poor John DeLorean and the bad rap he got for desperately trying to save his company. He was acquitted, by the way. Tell your friends. I think I took a picture of every car in here.
2001.04.26 18.20I am sitting outside the East entrance of the Reliant Astrodome and watching the little crowd of people try to worm their way in early. They have pink wristbands for volunteers, green badges for volunteers, red badges for staff, glossy red wristbands for the food people... but what do they have for the participants? Nada. I think they let anyone be a volunteer. All you need, apparently, is a name. I am hanging out with the lowly artists who only have our complimentary tickets to show. I am also not feeling very well, having eaten some pizza for lunch. Bad stomach. Eeew. The drive to the dome was fairly easy with a minimum of traffic. My car will need to get topped off with gas before I try going back home. Need to get plenty of rest because tomorrow is the life is unfair day for me. A few moments ago I had to fib about how much gas was in the car. You're supposed to only have 1/4 of a tank once you're inside, plus they want you to unhook your battery. Doesn't emptying gas from your car and jacking around with your battery sound like dangerous things to do? If I had my way I wouldn't do either one. Since the car won't run if it has less than half a tank in it, I figure since it's 3/4 full that I only have 1/4 left to go before it can't move. As for the battery, I have never been able to unhook it before, but I do have spare loose wires that I think will give it that ''unhooked'' appearance.
spoke too soon
2001.04.23 22.19I hadn't finished uploading my most recent rant about things sucking when I got an email from the webmaster of BTTF.com telling me a guy was looking to lease/buy a Back to the Future DeLorean. I called the guy up and he's interested in putting my car in some shows. The catch? They're in New York. I don't own a trailer to move the car, so that would be sort of a show stopper. However, I'm still going to print up 5 glossy 8 x 10 photos and mail them off. Wanna drive?
body of evidence
2001.04.23 20.42Things are getting worse. The year 2001 is going to go down in the Super Genius record books as one of the worst ever. Without babbling on about all the details, I just hope things are going to get better. I'm updating my Ex-Files section to accurately reflect my experiences and not beat around the bush. Hmmm. That sounds bad. But seriously, things suck. I could start a career as a professional vacuum cleaner.
I'm taking the time machine to the Houston Art Car Ball this Thursday night. Be there.
2001.04.20 22.00Not sure what I've done to deserve this. Here is a brief list of the recent experiences I've had with problem, solution and lesson learned:
- Problem: DeLorean is overheating so I took it to the DeLorean Motor Company in Southwest Houston. Diagnosis was that the head gasket is warped and requires
2K of repair work to fix. Solution: The turbo upgrade for a DeLorean costs 5K and adds 80 horsepower to the car. Coincidentally, it will also resolve
the problem with the head gasket. Lesson Learned: Don't spend 2K to fix a problem when you can spend 5K to fix a problem.
- Problem: After leaving the DeLorean shop, I spied a small object flying off the back of a Republic Waste truck and headed right for me. I changed lanes.
The object suddenly changes lanes and matched my heading. I slowed down hoping to get the thing to go under my car. It hit the front grill and made a nasty
little impact gash. Solution: I called the phone number on the side of the truck and bitched. They claim that they'll help me with a claim, but so far
my calls have gone unreturned and I have not had satisfaction. Lesson Learned: Never underestimate flying trash and its ability to find a rare
car to damage.
- Problem: DeLorean died on 290 in the evening while driving home. Called AAA and waited on the feeder street sidewalk. A drugged up hispanic dude
walked up to me and asked if he could use my cell phone. Solution: I replied, "I'm with the Houston Police Department and, if you don't want
to become involved with the bust that is about to go down, I suggest you start walking to the next red light as fast as possible." I then made a little
hand motion to an imaginary person across the street, as if I was signaling them not to do something. The guy took off running.
Lesson Learned: Why share when you can scare?
- Problem: I did all of this driving because I thought the Houston Art Car Ball and Parade were happening this week. I was wrong. It's
happening next week. Solution: I'm going to wait seven days until the actual day of the Ball arrives before I try to attend it.
Lesson Learned: Don't get ahead of yourself.
- Problem: Driving to work on Friday in my Eclipse I heard what I thought was the patch on top of my ragtop fluttering loose wildly in the wind. I eventually pulled over to see how much of the patch was left. It wasn't the patch at all. The shroud around my front passenger tire was entangled around the tire and wheel well, ripped to shreds. Solution: Yanked off the shroud and tossed what was left in the trunk. Lesson Learned: Never diagnose a strange noise while listening to Rammstein.
who is the weakest link?
2001.04.17 21.15Watching the new show ''The Weakest Link'' on NBC. It's good. A middle aged red-headed woman asks you questions and if you get them wrong she totally demeans you in front of everyone. It's exactly like being in Junior High again.
2001.04.16 22.55Easter sales rule. Bought Cadbury eggs. 64 of them. Bought a half-gallon of milk because mixing Diet Coke and Cadbury eggs would be disgusting. Bought answering machine so I could screen calls and get rid of Caller ID. My thought is, if you don't leave me a message, don't think I'll call you back because your name shows up on my Caller ID. In fact, my answering machine suggests you send me an email instead of leaving a message because I won't bother checking the machine. A bluff, but I might as well ride the bluff wagon for as long as possible. Picked up Art Car packet and t-shirt. The Art Car ball is in the Astrodome on Thursday. Definitely will be there. I figure I can rig the radiator fan by then. The instructions specifically say you can't let anyone push the car. Parade rules are weird. I'm a bit nervous because I just found out the ABC affiliate will be showing the entire thing on TV and the estimate for the crowds is 250,000 people. Yikes.
Realized that if you send an instant message to your friends every time they come out of an idle state, you will eventually annoy them. I've been hassling a long-time friend of mine inadvertantly so I want to apologize for my behavior. It won't happen again and I hope we can still be friends. I am also available for groveling and minor window washing in exchange for forgiveness.
Speaking of forgiveness... as far as it goes with China and what they've done with our spy plane, I would like to send them the apology that they've been begging for. All folks with Chinese backgrounds, I apologize in advance. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
To Whom It May Concern: We wish to personally apologize that your pilot slammed his jet into the side of our plane and lost his life. If we had known he was going to fly into us, we'd have tried to avoid him. Not sure what he was thinking, but a good rule of thumb to remember is that slamming your plane into anything other than a cloud is generally a bad idea. In condolence, I offer you my beat up VHS copy of Top Gun. I encourage you to show it to your other hotshot pilots so they may not suffer the same fate as Goose... err, uh... I mean Wei. Feel free to monitor our future flights and fly alongside our aircraft. But please, remember these 5 simple facts: 1. Flying between two propellors is a bad idea. 2. Trying to buzz past a slower moving aircraft at a 45 degree angle is unwise. 3. While you've got our plane, please don't hit the red button. Trust us. 4. If you do hit the red button, you've got 30 seconds to run like hell. 5. Attempting to circumvent the red button is not recommended.
regular expression, or decaf?
2001.04.15 0.37Seems like lots of my friends are down. Want to cheer up everyone. Want to do it by taking them to see one of their favorite bands play and sitting only a few feet away from the stage. This is a pricey venture. I decided to get my dad an early present by buying tickets to see Paul Simon next Sunday night at the Woodlands. That also happens to be the same weekend that I may be in the Houston Art Car parade. I say maybe because my DeLorean is still overheating. I have found the cause, however. The electric fan that is supposed to cool the radiator is not coming on. I understand that if it did, this would resolve the issue. Part of my problem is that there isn't enough time between now and Saturday for me to get it fixed. A rolling blackout or some kind of natural disaster (e.g. flood, act of God, bad pickup lines) would do nicely right about now.
Because I am a Back to the Future super freak, I took detailed photos of my Krups coffee grinder and posted them on the site. Search engines turn up almost no viable results, so I have laced the page with lots of info as well as naming the page using keywords, using a directory with keywords, stocking the KEYWORDS and DESCRIPTION META data tags, putting key words in the TITLE tag and putting them in between the <H4> (heading) tags. If this doesn't make my site more popular, I'm going to have to start posting pictures of dead animals on the side of the road. It can't hurt? Oh, wait. Yes it can.
Noticing that my friends don't seem to update their webcams or blogs as often as I do. Is this a hint that I have no life? Was it okay that I went out to eat sushi last night by myself and followed that up by watching Joe Dirt at the Willowbrook AMC 24? The nice thing about going alone is that people assume I'm there with someone else and don't bother trying to sit in the seat next to me, no matter how crowded it gets. For the record, Joe Dirt was a good movie and made me laugh. I don't think I will be buying the DVD. Since Spy Kids has managed to stay on as the #1 movie for the third week in a row, I'm going to get the hint and watch it. Alone, probably. Well, maybe I'll tell people that my date felt sick and is waiting for me in the trunk of my car. Hmmmm.
pro crass tin nation
got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues, and you know it don't come easy. you don't have to shout or leap about, you can even play them easy. forget about the past and all your sorrows, the future won't last, it will soon be over tomorrow. i don't ask for much, i only want your trust, and you know it don't come easy. and this love of mine keeps growing all the time, and you know it just ain't easy. open up your heart, let's come together, use a little love and we will make it work out better. got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues, and you know it don't come easy. you don't have to shout or leap about, you can even play them easy. peace, remember peace is how we make it, here within your reach if you're big enough to take it. i don't ask for much, i only want your trust, and you know it don't come easy. and this love of mine keeps growing all the time, and you know it don't come easy.''It Don't Come Easy'' by Richard Starkey (AKA Ringo Starr) from the album Blast From Your Past
remember the 80's?
Once upon a time - Once when you were mine - I remember skies - Reflected in your eyes - I wonder where you are - I wonder if you think about me - Once upon a time - In your wildest dreams. Once the world was new - Our bodies felt the morning dew - That greets the brand-new day - We couldn't tear ourselves away - I wonder if you care - I wonder if you still remember - Once upon a time - In your wildest dreams. And when the music plays - And when the words are touched with sorrow - When the music plays - I hear the sound I had to follow - Once upon a time... Once beneath the stars - The universe was ours - Love was all we knew - And all I knew was you - I wonder if you know - I wonder if you think about it - Once upon a time - In your wildest dreams. And when the music plays - And when the words are touched with sorrow - When the music plays... And when the music plays - When I hear the sound I had to follow - Once upon a time... Once upon a time - Once when you were mine - I remember skies - Mirrored in your eyes - I wonder where you are - I wonder if you think about me - Once upon a time - In your wildest dreams.''In Your Wildest Dreams'' by The Moody Blues from the album The Other Side of Life
lestat / statistics / denied
2001.04.10 20.47Good day. Asked lots of questions. Got lots of answers. Hotel breakfast food is bad. Despite this knowledge, I just ordered room service. Escargot, caesar salad, buffalo wings and a Heineken. I'm watching the heinous tv edit of Interview with a Vampire on UPN. During the breaks I have noticed the ads for the new show Chains of Love are intriguing. I knew they chained a girl to four guys, but they also chain a guy to four girls. Wow! How do I sign up for that? Do I have to pay someone? Can I pick the girls? How do they all go to the bathroom? What about driving a car? I assume they don't go to their jobs (since they obviously can't be in 5 places at once).
Guy in the next room must have the volume on his TV set to the max. I am considering finding a really bad Tejano station on the radio and blasting away. Jerk. Perhaps an anonymous call is in order? If nothing works, I'm going to need more beer.
Do you recall that Jerry, Kramer, Elaine and George were all sent to jail at the end of Seinfeld for being themselves? Do you think that if they ever made a one hour special that they would still be in jail? Or perhaps a TV movie? They could adapt Stephen King's ''The Shawshank Redemption'' and call it ''The Seinfeld Redemption.'' Jerry and George would have to take the Tim Robbin's role. Kramer would take the Morgan Freeman role. Elaine would have to be killed off early in the movie and the blame pinned on Jerry and George. Neuman could play the warden. And to make things more interesting, the dialog should get translated from English into Japanese and then back into English. All your base are belong to us.
I just got back from a hunt for a soft drink. I'm on the 6th floor. I can get to every floor except the 10th. Every vending machine was sold out. Needless to say, Mark=Pissed. I drank some water out of the sink. I put it in a glass first. As if that makes it safer. Tasted okay. I'm not dead yet.
I stayed up all night and just drove to work to pick up my laptop and then on to Hobby airport. Hobby airport is very ugly. If you haven't been there before, it's like visiting an Airport in 1974. It literally is untouched by the ravages of time. I kept watching the floor to avoid stepping on the aluminum can pull top thingies. I bought a quick breakfast from the U-Tote-M store. Watched ''Good Morning Houston'' while waiting for the plane to arrive. Stared at the asbestos fibers hanging from the ceiling. Some kid switched to PBS and we all had to watch ''The Electric Company'' for the remainder of our wait. Saw Richard Nixon walk by. Ah. Good times.
Slept a bit while on the plane. The act of landing woke me up. That's good. It means I can sleep on a plane and still expect to wake up in case we crash land. Southwest Airlines has an open seating policy. Sucks. I had to sit next to The Leaner Guy who kept leaning over and reaching into his pocket and invading my tiny personal space. Bastard. I moved when we landed in New Orleans to a much better seat. Got to sit next to an empty seat the rest of the way. Two really loud kids in the seat ahead of me ruined the magic of the moment, however. This is visit #4 to Jacksonville for me. I am here to add functionality and integrate. I am here to make things more intuitive. I even dared to suggest I would bring ''fun'' into the picture. People were scared, but there is nothing to fear. ''Fun'' is easy. I have the secret Fun How-To manual they stopped making in 1973. Bought it from the airport gift shop.
cold hearted orb that rules the night
2001.04.09 0.02Leaving for Florida in the morning. Taking on the project from hell. I refuse to accept that, however. Whenever someone says something like that, it's because someone somewhere couldn't hack it. Going to pull a Bill Clinton on this one and come from behind to win. Hey, stop thinking dirty. As usual, my dad will be living in my house while I'm out to feed my dog and clean my guns. Good thing he doesn't have to work this week.
Coming back on Wednesday to see the Moody Blues. I've got tickets for front row in the pit. Not familiar with the Blues? Go to Napster and download ''Knights in White Satin'' and your memory will be jogged. They are classic 60s and 70s. Considering going to the Tom Petty show next month, but of course, the seats have to be pit. I've been spoiled by an addiction to proximity.
Trying to watch the show Sheena without laughing. The show is a joke. One of the guys on the show wears an obvious ripoff of the Indiana Jones hat. It's like BayWatch only in the jungle. What they ought to do is film it here in my house. I'm ready if they are.
This girl has a very healthy addiction to the DeLorean. I'm hoping that's her dad in that picture. I don't seem to have any pictures of me and my dad with his arm wrapped around me. Anyway, she is welcome to come to my house and help me film episodes of Sheena. I get to wear the Indiana Jones hat and act like a bad ass, however.
Confirming that he is somewhat above average according to 200 people, Super Genius Mark Shields cancels his plastic surgeon appointment as well as his trip to visit the Paul Reubens Lookalike Counseling Center in LA.
On a completely unrelated note, when I was 16 I remember a cop pulled me over because he suspected I was carrying beer for some reason, so he demanded that I open up my trunk. I opened it and all he found was an empty Coors case with no beers or anything in it. It was completely empty... just a box. You could tell he was disappointed because cops get off on busting kids. He couldn't just let me go though. He had to try to scare me. He was all like, "Okay, well, I didn't catch you in the act this time... but i'm gonna remember you!" What was he going to do? Bust me on account of "I'm gonna remember you?" Is that a misdemeanor? Wait, let me call my lawyer. I need Matlock up in this b**ch.
dimentia / touch of sanity
2001.04.07 17.55Remind me not to post any more blog entries at 3 AM. Too much sharing.
Watching the Real World Hawaii marathon on MTV. There was a housemate that season named Amaya. For those of you with a vague recollection about this season, I will summarize it in Dude-Speak. Ahem. "You know, it's the blonde chick with the boobs she kept calling ''The Girls'' who was dating that 19 year old guy who couldn't stand her but kept sleeping with her?" Does that ring a bell? She worked for a management company that I dealt with extensively last year. I am hosting their site right now; check it out here. Anyway, Amaya was a total pain in the ass while she worked there. She's not there any more, but I had many a lost message when I called up there. It's kind of freaky watching someone on MTV that I sorta had to deal with. I'm over it, however. Everything about this show is about Amaya or about the alcoholic Ruthie chick. Bleah. Chalk that up on my list of turn-offs. Girls who drink and turn mean. I'd rather be watching re-runs of M*A*S*H than dealing with them. Amaya was also a big cryer. She cried all the time at the office. Total drama queen. I hate drama. I do like adventure, however. Interesting eccentricities are also good. You know, I would like to date Amaya just to teach her the ''super genius way.'' The downside to the ''super genius way'' is that you won't be dating me for long. The upside is that you will be prepped for marriage and will find Mr. Right within 3 months after breaking up with me. I am going to update my Ex-Files section to directly address this phenomenon. Eventually. Need to procrastinate about it a bit more.
Went to #'s tonight. It was great. Good friend Rich the bartender was there to offer sage advice. Saw the ex-girlfriend who had to deal with ''the sad fact that she once dated me'' and I totally didn't recognize her when I first spotted her dancing. Kind of funny when you think you've spotted someone new only to find out you already knew them.
Going to see Blow tomorrow with a good female friend of mine. We've never been boyfriend-girlfriend, although I've filed several appeals with the district attorney to get the restraining order overturned. Heh. She's a tall girl, however. Oh, and she's engaged. Did I mention that? Let's focus on the tall girl part. I like tall girls. I like short girls. Come to think of it, as long as a girl is as tall as I am or shorter, I'm there. However, dwarfs and little people need not apply. No offense. I have an R2-D2 replica, however, that I would like to put you in, but just email me and we'll talk about that offline. Ahem. So, we're gonna see Blow tonight. It looks good. David Letterman has been plugging it for the past two weeks. I am addicted to Dave. I must obey what he says. A few years ago I took this particular friend to a Marco's where she proceeded to get sloshed out of her mind. We then went to the movies and saw the remake of Miracle on 34th Street. She couldn't concentrate. She was wiggling all over the place. She zonked out in mid-movie. People started moving away from us. It was great. Ah. Good times.
against my butter judgment
2001.04.05 0.51May I speak cryptically? I have this thing I am supposed to do for work, but there are these other things that I also wanted to do. I thought I could pick which ones I would get to do. I was wrong. Now, don't get confused -- I can do all of these things. There isn't enough time in the day, however, so I end up having someone pick which things I'll do. I didn't know it was happening. But it is. I am not upset, but I do kind of want to have some semblence of control given the fact that I do not trust everyone's judgment. Some people make judgments based on hearsay. I make them based on fact. It's not about what I heard about someone else that matters. It's about what I know that matters. There was about a three month span of my life where I thought I was going to be a movie critic. My reviews would start off dealing with what I heard about the movie and then culminate in my giving the facts about it. That's how we all experience most movies. We see marketing. We hear stories second hand. Then we see the movie. Why shouldn't a review be the same way? Anyway, no funny one-liner at the end of this paragraph. Okay, fine. Is it possible to be totally partial? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Why is the word abbreviation so long? And my personal favorite fortune cookie: He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
I took 40 pictures of myself so I could have a recent photo online. 39 of the pictures sucked. I had to take out my contact lenses because they looked pastey and were creating this freaky shadow effect on my eyes (from the flash). Here is the 39th of the 40 pictures. I think I need a stronger jaw. Hmmm. I also need a haircut. I'll opt for the haircut. It's cheaper and less painful than plastic surgery.
aftermath... comes algebra?
2001.04.02 20.15Found out my water heater has been taking a pee for the last week or so. Downside is that I have some wet carpet and some of my action figure boxes got a bit damp. Upside is I went to Home Depot and bought a brand new GE 50 gallon electric heater. $161 for heater. $199 for install. Replaced my old 1978 s**t can heater which only gave me a hot shower for 5 minutes, max. Bought the heater at 7 PM on 4/1. Plumber called at 8 AM on 4/2. Arrived at 11 AM. Finished at 1 PM. Not bad. Kicked my old heater as they wheeled its useless ass out. Last night I decided to fix the super leaky shower faucet. Only took two grueling hours of pleading and begging with the crappy 1978 faucet innards. 1978 was apparently a bad year for water heaters and shower faucets. Making note to self never to time travel back to 1978.
Put DeLorean's flux dispersal coils back on the front bumper. Had to take it off the car after my dog chewed up the pinnings that hold it on. It took me nearly 6 months of procrastination to finish. Made them from scratch out of wood. Reinstalled the pinning on the car this Saturday night. On Sunday morning I found out my dog had chewed up one of them AGAIN! Bad doggy! Bad! So I made another one in about 10 minutes. Painted it. Pointed a fan at it. Waited a few hours. Re-reinstalled new pinning I'd just made. Whatever. Put annoying equipment in front of car to prevent more chewing. Also went to PetsMart and bought, like, 15 different things for the dog to chew on. His favorite turns out to be dried smoked pig ears. Literally, these are ears from dead pigs. Think about it. You can go to the pet section and buy a bag of 12 pig ears. Some have a little ear hair on 'em. Most of them are semi transparent, allowing you to see the veins inside. Scary. My dog eats one dried up pig ear in about 15 minutes. Wonder what he'd do with an entire pig head? Do they sell those anywhere, other than in school lunches?