dislocated
2004.04.29 23.53
I volunteered to play volleyball last week and was hoping that my newly trimmer self would be a better player.
I was way wrong.
At first I had trouble locating my coworkers at the park. I drove around it three times and was just about to give up when I thought I spotted five people around distant volleyball net. I parked, walked a short distance, and in no time I was playing volleyball. I was doing fairly poorly (as usual). Everything seemed to be going fine with my abilities UNTIL... I dislocated my finger while trying to return the ball. It hurt. A lot. It was grotesque. I didn't scream and cry, however. I just thought I'd broken my finger. A trip to the emergency room, one x-ray, one snapped back joint, and a follow-up x-ray later, I'm sorta kinda good as new. Except for the splint. I'm able to type fairly well with only nine fingers, though, so I guess my ability to do work isn't affected in the slightest. We'll see how my workout routine is now affected. Cardio, anyone?
google it
2004.04.25 13.15
Do me a favor. If you run a website or if you have a blog, can you find a spot to copy and paste the following link somewhere?The Real World Philadelphia: Season 15
<a href="http://TheRealWorldPhilly.com" target="_blank">The Real World Philadelphia: Season 15</a>
I just put up this site and I'd like to get some weight behind it. As usual, if you have a site that needs some SE Love, let me know. Oh, and let me know if you need to know what the hell SE Love stands for.I've been having a fair amount of general soreness in my shoulders and elbows since my Friday night free weights workout. At the suggestion of a friend, I took a couple of Tylenol. It helped. I didn't do anything on Saturday other than working on the site that I mentioned in the last paragraph. I need a decent mySQL client in order to clean up the junk database tables I kept accidentally creating. Good times. Oh, wait I did do something. I saw ''Jersey Girl.'' It was tolerable at best. I guess I just didn't buy in to the New and Improved Kevin Smith Universe™ and prefer the superfluous View Askewniverse™. True, there is less dimension and characterization in the latter, but it's way funnier and makes for better repeat viewings. When you venture into Chick Flick Territory, you endanger the repeated viewings probability factor. Not that there's anything wrong with that territory, but I'm just sayin. As usual, Chew got a nice bath at the Petsmart. I grooved on the chick that gives Chew his bath and, as usual, I didn't make any moves. Duh. I'm pretty hopeless. I don't know why I've got a mental block going whenever the chance of asking out a girl in the middle of Petsmart comes up.
Oh, and for the record -- It's true that a few weeks ago I hung out with a girl who was wayyyy out of my age range but, as luck would have it, her stupid little friends peer pressured her out of seeing me again. Isn't that special? Pfft.
soar
2004.04.23 19.19
I had a really tough workout last night on my back and chest. The Super Genius feels like he was hanging from a train trestle. I'd previous done some cardio on Tuesday and skipped out Wednesday. I've *got* to wear my ankle and knee braces if I plan to do any kind of running. The Great Falling and Spraining Both Ankles Incident of 2001 and The Great Working For The Houston Chronicle And Running All Over Jersey Village For Six Months Because The Economy Sucked In 1995 incident will never leave me. No, wait, what I said earlier about feeling like I was hanging from a bridge. Scratch that. I feel like someone tried to pull my arms off. Yeah! That's more accurate. Just for the record, I bought some of this Metro-something or other protein drink and it tasted like ass. I'll get the exact name of it to you this weekend.Still no signs of life from The Real World apartment. I'm trying to put together some specs for the site I'm going to build around it (to compete with the crappy one I mention below -- which also happens to link to me after stealing an image of mine (all of their site's initial images were leeched off other sites and I've been going through the process of identifying the original owners of the images). Yeah, I know. I'm a pisser. Too bad. Don't steal my sh*t. Heh. Anyway, not much to say about the subject. My inside source at the gym knows that the Real Worlders and staff were given free memberships there, so I'm sure I'll be seeing something somewhere sometime.
peer pressure crushes weak minds
2004.04.20 17.39
I pull up to the drive-thru at Wendy's and the dude on the speaker hollers, 'WENDY'S! CAN I HELP YOU!'' and I'm all, ''Just a moment.'' 10 seconds later he comes on again, ''CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER, PLEASE!'' Perturbed, I say, ''Dude, is there some kind of time limit?'' His unexpected response: ''THAT'S RIGHT!'' I'm like, WTF? Feeling pressured to order, even though there's no line of cars behind me, I search desperately for my previous favorite meal, The Santa Fe Chicken Salad. Nothin'. Not there. The newly rearranged menu doesn' help. Maybe I missed it? Another 10 seconds pass. Two Wendy's uniformed dudes appear from the side of store and walk up to my car. Their query? ''Is there something wrong with our speaker? Could you not hear us?'' I'm thinking, duh, your speaker is working fine. What's your problem? I'm annoyed. I suddenly recall the last time I went through the drive thru. I was with coworkers and we bought a bunch of stuff. They gave us a bunch of bags. We paid. We drove off. Guess who's meal was missing? Grrr. There must be some vendetta against me for all the bad ''Where's the Beef?'' jokes I've made through the years. I flipped off Wendy's guys #1 and #2 and pealed out of the parking lot. I drove to the grocery store and bought a large fat-free container of Cottage Cheese, some mixed fruit, three Cookie Dough flavor Balance bars, and a liter of water. It's not the same as a Santa Fe Chicken Salad, but at least I wasn't being rushed.run air rand
2004.04.19 17.48
Kill Bill Volume 2 was so amazing! You *MUST* see it. Tarantino is awesome. I'm duly impressed. Once Jason and I left we were all, ''Woah, dude that was so good!'' I'm telling ya. That's good movie time for you and your friends. Go!I'm typing this on my roommate's Mac and I'd forgotten that you have to use the special Open Apple button to do stuff. What's up with that? Control isn't good enough, eh? When did it fall out of favor? I just typed in a long piece of code for my line breaks and tried to use control-c to copy. It ended up turning my code into a little box. Bleah.
I didn't really get a whole lot done this weekend. I wasn't in the best of moods so I just stuck with the basics of my usual weekend in Houston. Lunch with my parents and sister on Sunday for lunch. I skipped the usual DeLorean trip. I ran errands on Monday. The only unforeseen Suck™ in the weekend happened when my air conditioner stopped conditioning the air. I called JT Air (my air conditioning repair guru) and he was here in a flash. There's something called a drain filter on the compressor outside and it was taking a leak. JT installed a pretty new blue filter. I have no clue what these things do, except save for the fact that having a hole in one is a bad thing. Funny thing is this might not have gotten done while I was here as The Roommate was somewhat oblivious to the fact that the air conditioner was set to 72 and the actual temperature in the house was a stuffy 80 degrees. ''I got hot when I took a nap'' he said. I'm like, ''Eeew! Too much sharing.''
the breakup instant message
2004.04.19 0.46
Carol (12:29:41 AM): marky, i still have your camera
Mark (12:29:52 AM): oh yeah
Mark (12:29:58 AM): i saw that you called
Mark (12:30:01 AM): I was outside mowin
Carol (12:30:02 AM): ya
Carol (12:30:05 AM): dang
Carol (12:30:14 AM): i should have just dropped by
Carol (12:30:22 AM): i didnt know if ude be there
Mark (12:30:27 AM): ah np
Mark (12:30:36 AM): i'll be back in two weeks again so no biggie
Mark (12:30:42 AM): you'll have to suffer with the camera until then
Carol (12:30:44 AM): ya
Carol (12:30:50 AM): hah
Carol (12:30:56 AM): i love you camera
Carol (12:31:12 AM): itll be a sad day when i am without it
Mark (12:31:29 AM): how come you're so keen to return it?
Carol (12:31:47 AM): i figured ud want it back
Carol (12:31:53 AM): ive had it for a while
Mark (12:32:18 AM): I brought the charger and all... I thought I was giving that to you
Mark (12:32:28 AM): to prevent further loss of aaa batteries
Carol (12:32:36 AM): im sorry about the madness on friday
Carol (12:32:50 AM): i didnt expect junior to be there or to ever see Mark again really
Carol (12:33:07 AM): but i am really sorry about how i behaved
Carol (12:33:10 AM): i felt like s**t
Mark (12:33:30 AM): I got lucky and my friend jason was home and came by afterwards
Mark (12:33:34 AM): I figured you left or ?
Carol (12:33:41 AM): i left at 3
Mark (12:33:51 AM): really? I lost track of you after you walked awya
Carol (12:33:53 AM): and then went to pasadena with brittany
Carol (12:34:02 AM): i stayed the whole night
Carol (12:34:05 AM): danced and whatnot
Carol (12:34:10 AM): bonded with junior
Mark (12:34:36 AM): there must be some kind of irony that his name is junior
Carol (12:34:50 AM): haha
Carol (12:34:56 AM): i suppose
Carol (12:35:09 AM): he name is actullay elicio
Carol (12:35:13 AM): he just goes by junior
Carol (12:35:23 AM): he doesnt like his real name
Carol (12:35:25 AM): he never has
Mark (12:35:33 AM): that's not a bad really
Mark (12:35:37 AM): bad name, rather
Carol (12:35:39 AM): no i like it
Carol (12:35:44 AM): so i always called Mark that
Carol (12:35:59 AM): i was gonna introduce Mark as elicio but he refused
Mark (12:36:14 AM): is he new potential boyfriend?
is that why my camera wants to get returned so badly?
Carol (12:36:32 AM): hah
Carol (12:36:52 AM): no, i am afraid that if i dont return the camera ill never return it
Carol (12:37:17 AM): he may be potential boyfriend, im not sure
Carol (12:37:28 AM): i did have much fun with Mark friday
Carol (12:37:35 AM): and i am talking to Mark now
Mark (12:37:41 AM): :-|
Mark (12:37:43 AM): heh
Carol (12:37:48 AM): sorry
Carol (12:38:05 AM): i guess you couldnt expect this to work too well,
considering the age difference
Mark (12:38:11 AM): not really
Mark (12:38:19 AM): not really meaning I disagree
Mark (12:38:25 AM): I thought we were hittign it off well
Carol (12:38:30 AM): im sorry
Carol (12:38:41 AM): the age gap is just a lil too big for me
Mark (12:38:53 AM): and then when you said all that stuff in the hall I froze up
cuz two weeks of talk fell apart
Mark (12:39:05 AM): I have a theory that your friends didn't like me
Carol (12:39:16 AM): they didnt
Carol (12:39:19 AM): your 34 mark
Carol (12:39:21 AM): im 18
Carol (12:39:24 AM): that just seems wrong
Mark (12:39:26 AM): trips around the sun
Carol (12:39:41 AM): i cant handle it
Mark (12:40:22 AM): we can't even be friends?
Carol (12:40:28 AM): sure we can
Carol (12:40:33 AM): just nothing more
Mark (12:40:57 AM): okay, so keep your hands off me next time! :-)
Carol (12:41:02 AM): hah
Carol (12:41:05 AM): sure thing
Mark (12:41:18 AM): I will invariably see you again at numbers
Mark (12:41:24 AM): so just as long as we're friends
Carol (12:41:25 AM): of course
Mark (12:41:58 AM): if you really want to return the camera, you can slip
it in the delivery box at my front gate
Mark (12:42:05 AM): it's a mailbox, just mounted into the wall
Carol (12:42:08 AM): ah
Mark (12:42:20 AM): there's a camera pointing at it, so feel free to wave hello
Carol (12:42:20 AM): well, ill keep it til you come back again
Carol (12:42:25 AM): considering its badass
Mark (12:42:26 AM): oh okay
Mark (12:42:38 AM): well take more pictures, live it up
Carol (12:42:42 AM): i will
Mark (12:43:48 AM): alrighty, I've got some work to do so thanks for at
least acknowledging me and letting me know what was up
Carol (12:43:54 AM): hah
Carol (12:43:56 AM): no problem
Carol (12:44:11 AM): have fun with your work
Mark (12:44:27 AM): yeah right fun whee
Carol (12:44:52 AM): hah
Mark (12:45:33 AM): sorry again about your name
Carol (12:45:40 AM): its ok
Carol (12:45:40 AM): hah
Mark (12:45:41 AM): the mispronouncing part
Mark (12:45:43 AM): I felt really bad
Carol (12:45:44 AM): i wasnt that mad
Carol (12:45:55 AM): its ok
Mark (12:46:43 AM): okay, so no more awkward moments, if you have any questions for an
old 34 year old dude, lemme, I'm always around
Mark (12:46:48 AM): lemme know*
Carol (12:46:50 AM): hah
Carol (12:46:51 AM): ok
Carol (12:46:55 AM): bye !\
Mark (12:46:57 AM): ;-)
heartbroken
2004.04.17 6.27
On Thursday I tried filling out my taxes online from home. Comcast cable sucks the big one, so ended up having to finish things at work. I'm all for a federal sales tax on everything. Income taxes seem so harsh. Either way, that's all over with. Later that day I had my first session with a trainer and got an upper body workout. I'm writing this on Saturday and I'm still a little sore, but not too much. I'm about to walk out the door to see Kill Bill, Volume 2 with my pal Jason. I'm sitting here wondering if Bill really does get killed, but I figure he must since that's the name of the movie. There was this really bad Julia Roberts moving called Dying Young about her and this guy she was dating that had cancer. You figure he's gonna die young, right, like the movie title? NO. He doesn't die. He lives. The movie ends with him saying that he's gonna fight to live. I was all, hey, what the hell, someone was supposed to die young. I was ripped off. That's false advertising, isn't it? I rest my case.ipod ipea isod isea
2004.04.14 19.07
Went to the gym for the first time last night. It was pouring down rain and a strange humidity had filled the room, making the rubber flooring slippery. I wondered if it was always like this but a lot of people kept giving the old ''WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE FLOOR?'' response. After a vent was turned on, everything went back to normal. I got to know all the initial machines that I'd be using. I'm not allowed over by the free weights area. It is forbidden! Actually, I am supposed to concentrate on the machines. I keep hearing the Terminator say ''I AM A MACHINE!'' and I'm like, ''That's right, you are, now set your timer to 30 minutes and simulate me running up a hill.'' I have a trainer scheduled for an hour on Thursday so hopefully I'll be in some minor pain that evening. I have Friday to recover. I'll be going to Number's to see a new friend that I've made. Dancing (or some variation thereof) will be involved. My bad ass Toyota Corolla will be escorting me around. I'm thinking I should paint it black and get the windows tinted and spraypaint ''THE DEATH CAR'' on the side. Yeah, that'll work. I seem to think that I've suggested doing this very same thing in a previous blog entry. If that's true -- oops.kill wil
2004.04.13 18.51
I'm joking around there with the title of this blog entry. I've been anxiously awaiting Wil Wheaton's next book ''Just a Geek'' to come out. I assume it will be autobiographical and contain lots of cool little Star Trek anecdotes and that I'll read it wishing I was really the actor who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek and how I'd have done things differently. Hmmm. You know what? That would never happen. I'm not Wil Wheaton's doppledanger. As much as I wish I could be the next Zak Branff (or however you spell his name) from Scrubs, I'm still me. Of course, if there was a way for me to manipulate the space time continuum so I could make my dreams of uber-stardom come true, I'd probably take a crack at it. Of course, I'll need to make sure my time machine doesn't overheat while I'm messing around with human history. You should check out The Adventures of Seinfeld and Superman as they address the idiosyncracies of flying around the world and going backwards in time to fix things. That, and there's some funny banter at the deli.thieves
2004.04.12 19.04
I wanted to buy some stamps. I walked up to the stamp machine they have here at the cafeteria. A message cryptically flashed, ''CAN ONLY MAKE CHANGE UP TO $0.85'' -- I thought, okay. I wanted a book of stamps that cost $7.40. I put in 40 cents. I then put in a dollar. The machine told me I needed to put in 6 more dollars. I looked in my wallet and I had a 20. I put that in. The machine seemed happy. I was happy. I pressed the button to buy the stamps. They plopped down. Then... instead of being told that I needed to buy more stuff, this stupid machine gave me 85 cents... and that's it. That's all I got. I was like, uhh... hello? Where's my other freakin' 13 bucks and change? The cryptic message now read, ''CAN ONLY MAKE CHANGE UP TO $1.20'' -- I was all, NO WAY! I stared at the machine for another three minutes, grumbling. I walked away. I'm coming back tomorrow with my blow torch.wonder woman!
2004.04.11 3.57
OMG! The first complete season of Wonder Woman on DVD? Shut up! Somebody put me in a coma and wake me up in June! I'm so there! I had the biggest crush on Lynda Carter when I was growing up. I nearly got to meet her one time when she was at Astroworld (back when it wasn't so f'ing ghetto). I was oblivious to the fact that she'd been sitting on the stage signing autographs and missed the whole thing. Not sure what I'd been focusing my attention on. This was at the Skipper and Dolly dolphin show that they had back in the 70's. They also had this weird character named Marvel McFey who had an enormous red moustache and giant hat. He looked like Mario (of Mario Brothers fame) on Prednisone. That joke was for all you Jerry Lewis On Prednisone fans out there. So, click on the DVD and buy a copy of Wonder Woman, Season 1. Then invite me over and I'll give you my own narration of what I was doing when I watched each episode. And no, I wasn't doing anything like that. I was, like, 8, okay? You've got a filthy mind.eternal moonlight of the filthy mind
2004.04.09 19.53
PURCHASE DETAILS: Movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Date: Saturday, Apr. 10, 2004 Time: 3:50pm Where: Loews Cherry Hill, 2121 Route 38, Cherry Hill Quantity: 1 AdultYeah, I go to the movies alone. I usually get the Ultimate Nachos platter. I've walked into a crowded theater and had people gasp in horror at the size of it. They're also shocked by how big my nachos are.
bruce wayne's world
2004.04.08 6.37
I resampled some video last night. The tape is called The Richard Noble Movie, Too. On that tape is a ten minute parody video I made of Wayne's World. The Super Genius circa 1997 put up a RealPlayer sample on MarkShields.com in 1997. This will serve to replace that. Why'd I make this video? It's from a journal I made in 1993 as a part of a video letter series I was exchanging with my pal Rich. Sadly, I lost touch with him in 1997 when he was just about to get married. His phone number was on a computer that super-died a few weeks after I got there. Smoke coming out of the computer makes it a super-death. Always make backups. Lesson learned. Here's three choices for my ''Wayne's World'' parody for you to choose from. It's not bust-a-gut funny, but I think it's worth at least one viewing. Enjoy!
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If you were here I'd get to see you and if you were here you would believe but would you suspect my emotion wondering? yeah, do not want my heart to miss anymore The rain water drips through a crack in the ceiling and i'll have to spend my time on repair But just like the rain i'll be always falling, yeah only to rise and fall again |
itunes
2004.04.06 6.57
Thanks to the magic of new potatoes and water, Dude Spellings ran a 50 mile endurance race this past weekend in under 12 hours. That's 4 miles an hour continuously. You like that? Can you do that? I didn't think so. Yesterday I had to go to the FedEx office 7 blocks away. I ran all the way there, then I walked home. The super genius doesn't like the cold. It was 35 degrees and super windy. Bad idea. Today I sound like Bowzer from Shanana. If you remember Shanana, you get a cookie.I'm suddenly interested in iTunes. I don't have a iPod yet, but I'm sure I'll get one soon. I'm thinking silver. Maybe I'll mount it to the side of the DeLorean. My first purchase will be some Thompson Twins (see previous blog entry). Maybe some Bright Eyes. I hear they're O.K. If you remember the song ''Turn Around Bright Eyes'' from the 1980's, you get a cookie.
I had a funny technical support conversation with someone about a minor glitch in some software. This person was told to log in and, if they saw a certain message, to hit their backspace key. This solution didn't seem to help them, so I was called over to talk to them directly. Don't ask me why the backspace key fixes the problem. Pay attention.
Me: ''Completely close your window by hitting the X in the top right hand corner.''
Phone: ''Okay.''
Me: ''Now click on the icon that says Production.''
Phone: ''Don't hit the backspace key first?''
Me: ''No. Just click that icon and sign in. Then tell me what you see.''
Phone: ''Okay. I got the error message.''
Me: ''All right. Now hit the backspace key.''
Phone: ''You don't want me to hit shift also?''
[silence]
Me: ''No. Just the backspace key. Nothing else.''
Phone: ''Now, you mean the key that actually says 'BACKSPACE' on it, right?
[silence]
Me: ''Yes. Exactly. That's the one.''
Phone: ''Okay. Hmmm. It worked.''
Isn't that special? She also mentioned early on in the conversation that she could also hit the 'ESCAPE' key if I wanted her to. I politely declined.
Here are those Madonna concert photos that I took with my Casio wristwatch that I promised a few days ago. See? They all suck. I'm bringing a nice big camera this next time. Maybe I can find one shaped like a baseball cap.
slur
2004.04.04 3.20
I feel all happy and giddy. Remember how happy Molly Ringwald was at the end of Sixteen Candles? Only I'm a guy -- and I'm not into Jake Ryan. In honor of this feeling I submit to you these lyrics from The Thompson Twins that was played at the end of the film when Molly says, ''It already came true.'' Now, the lyrics...if you were here i could deceive you and if you were here you would believe but would you suspect my emotion wandering, yeah do not want a part of this anymore The rain water drips through a crack in the ceiling and i'll have to spend my time on repair But just like the rain i'll be always falling, yeah only to rise and fall againFunny thing is that, if you'll notice, the actual lyrics totally don't fit the movie. I you were here, I could decieve you. WTF? Would you expect my emotion wandering? I'm kind of disappointed since I always thought they were singing about falling in love or some other nice sentimental stuff. If you slur the words a lot while you're reading them, however, you get the effect that you're saying something charming. Nice.
stresssssssssss
2004.04.02 6.23
The Madonna tickets showed up earlier than expected. FedEx believed someone named Paul Shields has a signature waiver on record which meant they felt slipping the package under the gate and leaving it there was O.K. The people I bought the tickets from put my name on the airbill as Mike Sheilds (their spelling). After a few frantic hours talking to FedEx and GreatTickets.com, my dad was finally able to open my gate and retrieve the package. FedEx, in the meantime, was on a tear with their mindless logic.FedEx: ''Only Paul Shields can remove the signature release, sir.''
Me: ''But there is no Paul Shields. There never was!''
FedEx: ''Well, Paul will have to go online and remove the release.''
Me: ''Hello? Peanut butter? Are you listening to the words that are coming out of my mouth? There is no such person.''
FedEx: ''Have him go to WWW dot FEDEX dot com.''
Me: ''I'm afraid Paul died last week. I killed him. His head is in my freezer next to the UPS delivery guy's head.''
FedEx: ''Sir, you have to go to WWW dot FEDEX dot com.""
Me: ''Where exactly? To the signature release removal section?''
FedEx: ''Exactly, sir.''
Me: ''Where is that on your site? I can't find it.''
FedEx: ''Please hold sir.''
[20 minutes pass]
FedEx: ''Sir I'm transferring you to Technical Support.''
Me: ''Those people handle problems with your FedEx business software, don't they? I don't want to talk to them.''
FedEx: ''Please hold the line, sir, while I transfer your call.''
After a few more minutes of talking to Technical Support, they did a 3-Way and connected me back to Customer Service where I got to speak with the I Will Not Let You Interrupt Me While I'm Talking Guy™. I was instructed to fax a note to the FedEx station near my house and ask them to remove the waiver. I seriously doubt they'll do it. Ugh. This was My Daily Drama.
My Daily Drama 2: Electric Boogaloo began just as soon as part 1 ended. I've been getting phone calls from Saab Financial Services. They would never tell me why they were calling, they'd just leave a huge 1-800 number and 5 digit extension in a voicemail message that I'd never answer. I called them and asked what the deal was. Apparently Texas charged them some kind of property tax fee for the car. This doesn't make any sense since the car was registered and inspected in Pennsylvania. The only time it left the state was to venture into New Jersey for beer, movies and Chew-Chew Petsmart visits. The charges total around $450 which there is no way in hail I'm gonna pay. If it ends up that I do have to pay it, they're going to be getting micropayments of $5 a month for the next few years.
